Blink
by angstkitten
Summary: “She just wanted to punish me. For being bad. For being different. For being who I was.” full summarry inside
1. Chapter 1

"She just wanted to punish me. For being bad. For being different. For being who I was."

Eiri's childhood was a nightmare (at least in my little world, anyway!). He was hurt and alone at an early age, and the scars still had hardly begun to be healed by Tohma's hand when the disaster with Kitazawa destroyed everything the two had worked for. Eiri is ready to throw in the towel and just give up, but can his family help him to pull through? chelsea>

PG-13 for themes (said outright and implied: abuse, rape, ect.) and possible language. I don't remember how much there is. Also, I use the U.S. court system 'cause I'm too lazy to research Japan's. Also, the weather is uncharacteristic for February, but I don't care..

AN: Hey, looky here! I'm posting a "Gravitation" fic! Yay me! This is angst, and slash (well _duh!_ it's "gravitation"!), but nothing gets very detailed sexually. This is my own little take on Eiri's childhood, and it's from his POV. So, enjoy, and don't forget to review! (I'm sorry this first chapter is so short! I'll post again soon!) also, I don't own gravitation! and i would love for you readers to clue me in on spelling and gramatical and time-line errors! thanks! --chelsea

The girls were giggling. I walked past, bowing my head to hide my face. To hide the clear embarrassment settled there. My blonde hair shaded them from my vision, and I sped up a little.

"He's so cute!" one of them squealed. "Mixed kids are just so adorable!"

I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything, and continued to make my way home from school. I watched my feet step one after the other, blurred slightly by my tears, until the top of my head bumped into something.

I kept staring downwards, seeing another pair of feet in front of me. _Oh no,_ I thought. The person I had hit tapped me on the shoulder, and I finally looked up.

"What's the big idea?" he growled. He was at least twice my size, with huge muscles covering every inch of his body. His dark hair stood out starkly against the blue sky behind him, and his eyes glared menacingly down at me. I tried to apologize, but the words stuck in my throat. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and I dropped my bag, spilling the entire contents. "Think it's funny, goin' around, bumpin' inta people?" I shook my head feebly, knowing he wouldn't let me go before pulverizing me. "Well, I'm just gonna hafta teach ya a lesson, don' I?"

He pulled back his other hand and I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the blow. Instants later it came, plowing into my stomach. I held back a cry of pain as tears flooded to my eyes. He hit me again and again, pummeling me. Eventually he stopped, and I realized I was on the ground. I lay there, unmoving, as he searched my backpack for money. At last he spat on my face. "Don't do it again, got it?" I nodded, and listened as he stalked away, looking for another victim.

I picked myself up slowly, and put what was left of my stuff into my bag. I wiped the spit from my eyes and trudged home, my lips trembling, holding back the tears until I could be alone.---


	2. Chapter 2

I walked in the door and slunk through the house to my bedroom of the past nearly thirteen years. I saw my mother in the kitchen, as beautiful as she ever was, making dinner. I elected not to go that way, and went around. If I went through the kitchen, she would talk to me. She would notice the shake in my voice, the tears in my eyes. And she wouldn't stand for it. I would be locked in my bedroom for weeks.

I went into my and Tatsuha's room and flung myself onto my bed. I lay there, silently crying. I had been in this room since my first birthday, thirteen years in four days. Tatsuha had moved in six years after me, and we just had an amazing connection. I could make him stop crying every time when was a baby. It had made me feel so important, and whenever I had come home crying, he would just look at me and smile his little grin, making me feel so much better. But he was eight now, and it wasn't so simple anymore.

Soon enough, Tatsuha came home from school and walked into the bedroom, on the verge of tears himself. I looked up at him, my pillow sopping and tears staining my cheeks. He closed the door, and I pulled him into a hug. We sat on my bed, each of us crying for reasons unknown to the other, until we were called to dinner. We wiped away all signs, and walked out smiling and talking.

Mother was a beautiful woman. She had long black hair, like Tatsuha's, and dark lips, the shade of a crimson rose stained in blood. Her eyes were dark brown and her ivory skin stood out so well against them. She was thin and tall, and I loved her as a son should, but I sometimes wondered if she returned those feelings.

Father was a monk, and wanted me very much to follow in those footsteps. I was considering, if nothing more than to make him happy, and he made Tatsuha and I study the ways every day.

Tatsuha wanted very badly to make Father proud of him, and often told other kids at school that he would one day be a monk, just like Father. And the children laughed. They teased and ridiculed, saying he could never make it. That even if he was the best in the world, I would always be chosen over him. Tatsuha disbelieved such things, but to me it was clear in the way Father made us work. I always did more, and Tatsuha got to have friends. He had his first kiss years before me. And it, of course, led to the loss of his virginity as well.

I was always quiet, and buried myself away in things. I didn't study well for Father, and was a C student, but that went unnoticed by Mother and Father. I sometimes wrote in my spare time, and soon found I had a knack for it. I wrote all sorts of things; stories, poems, scripts. I enjoyed myself some, and that was the one thing that kept me moving through my life.

As I sat at dinner, Tatsuha opposite me with Mother and Father on either side, I picked at my food, mentally writing a poem. I was staring into vacant space, lost to my own little world, when Father shouted my name. I jumped, dropping what little food I'd actually gotten halfway to my mouth. "Yes, sir?" I said, terrified of what he may do.

"I've asked you three times now," he said. "We're waiting for an answer." I stared at him, wanting him to repeat his question. My eyes darted to Tatsuha, who just looked at me fearfully. I didn't dare look to Mother, afraid to see the look on her face, so turned back to Father.

"Uh…" I stuttered, lowering my head, "c-could you r-repeat the qu-question? P-please?" I shrank back slightly, waiting for the explosion on my father's part. But it was Mother I should have been afraid of.

"Repeat!" she trilled. "Eiri, you answer your father this instant!"

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know what the question was!" I cried, blinking back the tears fighting their way up. Mother stood up then, and swung her arm around to point at my bedroom, hitting my face in the process.

"Go to your room right now," she screamed, "and don't come out until you know the answer!" I stood up and scrambled to my room, feeling her hand swat my behind on the way. I threw myself down on my bed and sobbed heavily. I tried to control my breathing so I could cry quieter, but it was impossible. I lay there for at least two hours, interrupted only once when Tatsuha came in to get his homework. I knew I had some too, but couldn't muster the strength to pick up my bag and get it. So I stayed where I was, exhausted.

I saw Tatsuha standing over me, shaking my shoulder when I realized I must have fallen asleep. "What?" I murmured.

"It's time for bed, but they won't let me come in until you answer," he said, sincerely upset about getting to bed.

"But I don't know what he asked me," I whined, just wanting to go back to sleep and never wake up.

"He wanted to know what happened to your eye," he answered.

"My eye?"

"Yeah, it started bruising at dinner." I groaned in response.

"Alright, I'll go talk," I sighed, standing up. I walked out to my mother and father. She was knitting and he was reading, and neither noticed when I walked in the room. I cleared my throat quietly. Both looked up to me. Father began to say something, but Mother cut in first.

"What are you doing out of bed? It's time to sleep," she snapped, turning back to her work. I stood a moment, unsure.

"Y-you said I couldn't come out until I can answer, and Tatsuha said he can't come to bed until I tell you," I whispered. Father motioned for me to come over.

"Do you know what I asked you?" he said. I shook my head gently, not wanting Tatsuha to get in trouble for telling me. He looked at me more carefully, and worry slid across his face. "Eiri, how did you get all these bruises? You're covered in them. Take your shirt off." I did as he said, and he gasped, staring at my chest and stomach. "Good God, what the hell happened?" He touched one on my chest, and I inhaled sharply at the sudden and intense pain. He moved along my body, gently brushing each bruise. I fought to hold back the tears as he turned me around and looked at my back.

"Those have been there for a week or so," I said meekly as he examined the ones fading from a playground fight I'd had against about six other boys.

"Eiri, what happened? I want you to tell me how you got these," Father instructed. So I told him. He listened intently, and told me I didn't have to go to school the next day. He sent me to bed, and I crawled in, Tatsuha already sound asleep.---


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I woke up after Tatsuha had already left for school. I peered out the door, and the entire house was silent except for the quiet squeal the oven made when it was on. I crept to the kitchen and found a note on the counter.

_Eiri, your breakfast is in the oven. Be careful taking it out, it will be hot. Father and I won't be home until later tonight, so please behave with Tatsuha. Be sure to do your homework and practice for Father. _

--Mother

I opened the oven and took out the plate of eggs and sausage, and made a piece of toast. I ate it all happily, ecstatic to have a meal without my parents talking to me, or kids at school whispering about me so I can plainly tell what they're saying. When I finished, I went to my room and did my homework as Mother had instructed. But afterwards, instead of getting out my books to memorize different things for Father, I pulled out a notebook I kept hidden and began writing in it.

"They laugh, I cry.

I cry, she screams.

She screams, I cry.

I cry, they laugh.

It's all a vicious cycle

I no longer can endure.

No one ever seems to care,

Or try to give a hand.

I'm all alone in the world,

And no one wants to help.

The only one who's ever there

Is much too young to know

The pain I go through every day

To carry myself home.

I see no reason to go on.

No one would even notice,

If one day I just skipped school

To lie somewhere, in the dirt.

Just slip a knife from Mother's cupboards

And take it half to school.

Then I use it on my throat,

To let myself just bleed.

I would fall to the ground,

And let the tears go,

As the blood swept from my body.

That is all I want to do,

This Monday before school."

That was what I wrote, and when I read it over, I was spooked a little. I shut it back into the drawer and locked it up. Then I did as Mother wanted, and studied for Father. The day after that, I was home with Mother. It was Friday, and Mika was coming home that night for my birthday Sunday with a friend. Mother made me help her clean, and she got done plenty early, although I did most of the work and she just watched.

She went shopping to get stuff for the dinner that night and I stayed home by myself. I was in the kitchen, pondering a snack, when the phone rang. I just about jumped out of my skin. I stood watching it until the machine picked up and I heard my sister's voice on the other end.

"Mother? Hey, I got in a little early, so I'm on my way over right now. Is anybody home?" She paused, waiting for someone to pick up. I moved to answer it, but as my hand was over the receiver, she started talking again. "I guess not." She paused again, talking to someone else. "Oh! Okay, so Father's out, the boys are at school, and Mother's probably shopping. I hope the hide-a-key is where it used to be, or we'll be stuck outside. And it looks like it's going to rain." I wrapped my hand around the phone and brought it to my ear.

"Hello?" I said.

"Eiri!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing home?"

"I…didn't go to school," I told her honestly.

"Are you sick?"

"No, not really."

"Is Tatsuha at school?" I nodded, then realized she couldn't see me, and said yes. "What's wrong with you then?"

"Nothing really. Father just said I didn't have to go back to school for a couple of days. I didn't go yesterday either."

"Okay. Well, I'm on my way home right now, so don't freak out when we pull up, okay?"

"Yeah. See you soon," I said, feeling a little excited to have some time to Mika and her friend for myself. We hung up and I went back to my bedroom to write a little of a story I had been working on. I got so wrapped up in it that when Mika knocked I nearly had a heart attack. I stuck the notebook under my pillow and ran to answer the door. I opened it, beaming. "Mika-chan!" I shrieked, jumping up to hug her.

"Hey!" she said, pulling me into her arms. She kissed my cheek, and I couldn't stop the squeak of pain escaping out my lips. She held me out in front of her and looked at my face. "Oh my god. What happened?"

"Nothing. Just a fight," I said. "That's why I stayed home."

"Oh," she said, uncertain. "Well, come on. Let's go in, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding with a smile on my face. I tugged her inside as she and the man I had sort of noticed behind her grabbed their bags. "Nothing's really changed, except your room is Father's new study. Tatsuha and I are sleeping in the living room and you get our room. We've just got to set it up, really." I was just babbling along, trying to distract her from the bruises. They put their bags in our room and then Mika introduced me to her friend.

"This is Tohma," she said. "Tohma, this is my little brother."

"Hey," he said, smiling. "Let me guess… You're _Eiri_, right?" I nodded. "And you're older than… Oh gosh, what's the other one's name?" He looked at Mika.

She just smiled. "Tatsuha."

"Right. You're older than Tatsuha, aren't you?" I nodded again, suddenly a little shy around him. "It's your birthday this weekend, isn't it?" I nodded again, feeling my face turn red. "How old are going to be, Eiri?"

"Fourteen," I said, trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed.

"Eiri, why don't you show Tohma around the house while I get a little snack for you and Tatsuha when he gets home?" Mika said.

"Okay," I said. "Um, this is my bedroom, but I'll be in the living room for the weekend." I led him through the house, showing him the bathroom and Mika's old room. I told him where Mother and Father slept and showed him the gardens outside.

"This is my favorite one," I said, motioning to my mother's rose garden. "It smells so nice, and it's so pretty. Just like Mother." I watched Tohma look at the gardens and admire each one carefully. "Mother grows the roses. She grows all the good ones. That's Tatsuha's, over there," I said, pointing at a garden of vegetables. "He likes to make Father happy, so he does anything he suggests." Tohma's eyes glanced over the roses to Tatsuha's veggies, and then to Mother's other gardens. She had at least a dozen, all filled with beautifully fragranced flowers; daffodils, roses, marigolds. You name it, she had it. I pointed out Mika's old garden, which Mother had taken over. She had crocuses and lily's planted there, and I thought they were the best thing in the yard, next to Mother's roses.

My eyes stayed locked on Tohma, whom I'd begun to calm down around after the house tour. I saw his eyes stop on a certain garden and followed his gaze. There was a single garden, secluded from the rest. Snapdragons were budding and the daisies beside them were beginning to seed. Along the edge were pebbles, meant to keep out bugs because Mother didn't want them in the plants, even though the stones didn't do anything to help. In each corner was one iris, each a different color; pink, white, red, and yellow. Scattered throughout it were baby's breath, just poking out of the earth. I blushed a rabid red that he would stop to take in my measly, horrible garden.

"Who's is that one?" he asked me without taking his eyes off it.

"Which one?" I asked, pretending not to know.

"With the different irises and daisies."

"Oh," I said, but it was more of a squeak. "M-mine. It's not very good. I have to replant the daisies and snapdragons every spring, but I don't mind. Mother doesn't like that I grow daisies, but I think they're pretty. The white of their pedals is so pure."

"I think it's beautiful. Can I take a closer look?" he asked. I nodded, and led him to it. "Why do you grow what you do?"

"Hm? Oh, well… The daisies seem pure and…almost perfect. But they don't look it right now. Snapdragons are delicate. Their heads could be pulled off easily, so it's required to be gentle with them. Baby's breath… Well, I don't always do baby's breath. One time I dropped dandelion seeds in, but made it look accidental. Mother can't stand weeds. But I did it because they remind me of life when they seed and blow away. Nothing stays long, and it can never truly return to the place it began. I picked baby's breath this season because I like what they stand for."

"And what's that?" Tohma asked, looking up at me from where he was crouched, looking at what I had planted.

"Youth, beginnings, innocence. The name says it all. Baby's breath. I planted forget-me-nots last year. I was feeling kind of lonely, and they just seemed appropriate."

"And the irises?" he said, looking at the yellow one before him.

"Oh. Well, I planted those a few years ago, when Mika was home. She helped me clean and plant the bulbs. I wanted irises for everyone I loved. I picked four, one for each of my family members. Sometimes the colors are a little different though. I thought it was cool they were all different this year," I said, smiling down at him.

"Well, they're all beautiful. I wish I could have seen the daisies before they died," he sighed, turning to look at them. "They're one of my favorite types of flowers."

"Really?" I asked.

He smiled and nodded, then stood up. "Yes. I think they're some of the most beautiful things in the world." I smiled, feeling much better about my garden than I ever had before, and we stood outside, looking at the gardens until Mika called us back inside for milk and cookies.---


	4. Chapter 4

"A toast!" Father called. "To happy endings for our daughter!"

"To a successful life for her!" Mother chimed in.

"To the great food Mother made," Mika laughed.

I strained my ears in the living room, listening to what they were doing. Tatsuha was already snoring gently beside me on the couch, and I was stuck on the floor. It was at least five degrees colder where I was than the couch. But I wasn't paying attention to that. I wanted to know what was happening in the kitchen. I heard the fourth glass scrape slightly against the table as Tohma rose his to the others.

"To the birthday boy, undoubtedly snoring in the next room," he said, and they all tipped their glasses together making a small ring radiate through the air. I smiled broadly, excited that Mika's fiancé, as it turned out, had put me into their toast. Mika had made the announcement at dinner, and Mother and Father were both incredibly enthusiastic. I listened to them talking, assuming Tatsuha and I were both sound asleep, but if Mother really knew me, she would know I can't sleep with much noise.

I rolled onto my stomach to try to sleep, when I heard Tohma bring up the gardens. My eyes went wide and I listened intently now. "They were all so beautiful. Eiri said you tend most of them, Mrs. Uesugi, and I could really tell the touch of a woman who knows her plants."

"Thank you, Tohma. You're so sweet," Mother answered. "I take great pride in the gardens. I love every single one out there. Tatsuha's vegetables are coming along quite well. I'm very proud of him."

"I thought they looked healthy, and Eiri showed me Mika's old garden as well. The flowers have been very well cared for, Mrs. Uesugi."

"I do my best to care for what my daughter left behind," Mother said, most likely a smile of glee on her face. "Everything in that garden was what Mika wanted when she planted it. I would never do a thing to condense my children's creativities and desires."

"I'm glad to hear that. I looked at one garden in particular. I thought it was gorgeous," Tohma said. I winced, knowing he was talking about mine.

"Really? Which one?" Mika asked.

No, no, no! my brain screamed.

"The roses? Those are my favorites," Father said, interested. I dropped my head onto my pillow, knowing this would not have a pleasant outcome.

"It had a few different plants, but these were irises. What attracted my eyes was the diversity of color among them," Tohma said.

"Oh, the garden in the middle of the yard?" Mother asked. "I planted the irises purposefully that way, and I think the lilies and crocus's make such a lovely contrast, don't you?"

"Oh, yes, I did enjoy that one, but I'm talking about Eiri's garden," Tohma said, finishing the deal on my head. _I'm dead_, I thought.

"Oh, really?" I gritted my teeth at the hidden tone of Mother's voice. She was clearly upset.

"Eiri's?" Mika asked. "I haven't had a chance to really look out there yet today. What color are they? I think the year he planted them they were all yellow."

"Each one is a different color. There's a pink, white, yellow, and red. They look absolutely beautiful," Tohma told her.

"Well, of course the irises are nice. Mika helped him plant them," Mother said, hope rising that that was what he had liked most.

"Yes, he told me. He said each one represented a family member, and I thought it was rather sweet." There was a collective silence at the table. I had never told anyone that before, because it had been so stupid.

"Really?" Father asked.

"I always thought he'd wanted four so he would have one in each corner," Mother muttered. "Eiri is usually so simple minded." I was hurt by that remark, but said nothing. I held back tears for the hundredth time in the last two days, when I heard Tohma answer her.

"I don't believe so, Mrs. Uesugi. I think Eiri is a brilliant child. He told me exactly why he planted each and every flower in his garden, and they were all remarkable reasons. They were all touching, and deep-rooted into his soul. I must say, he is far from simple minded. He excels in his classes, does he not?" I winced again, fearing he would know how stupid I really was.

"Not really, no," Father said. "He gets 'C's generally, and he isn't at all as far as he should be with his lessons to take the temple, but he certainly has some small talent for it. If he would only practice as Tatsuha does."

"If only, if only," Mother sighed. "Stop dwelling on it dear. Have some more wine."

"Oh, thank you."

"So really, Tohma. What did you like about Eiri's garden?" Mika asked, persistently. My eyes bulged. I had thought they were out of that conversation, but no, Mika just had to press the issue.

"Well, he seemed very modest about it. Like it wasn't that great, but I absolutely adored the garden. He seemed a little embarrassed that the daisies were looking so poorly, but it is late in the season. They should be dying. The snapdragons are just now beginning to bud and baby's breath is sprouting up throughout the entire plot, scattered here and there, but it looks so beautiful." I shrank where I was, hearing him say to Mother I had just strewn the seeds about. They had to be placed carefully and intently. "He told me that last year he had forget-me-nots. I would have loved to see them too, but I was happy to see the remnants of the daisies."

"Really?" Mother said, agitation clear in her voice. "The baby's breath is just _thrown_ around?"

"Well," Tohma said, noting the tone this time, "I'm sure that's not exactly what he did, but they aren't in perfect lines like the other gardens. It's freer and more…wild and expressing. I think it says a lot about him. He could do great things, if given the chance."

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly tired and my eyes closed. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was Tohma saying that he was sure I would do something meaningful in my life, and the rain mentioned so long ago begin to pound on the roof.---


	5. Chapter 5

Saturday morning dawned much too soon for me, but clearly sooner for the four adults in the house. Tatsuha and I decided to make breakfast for everyone and let Mother sleep in. We made pancakes from scratch, and as I cooked them, Tatsuha set the table. I set the pancakes on the table and got out the syrup. Tatsuha grabbed the milk and orange juice, even though I told him to only pick up one. Halfway to the table, the juice slipped from his hand and, in the scramble to catch it, he dropped the milk too. Both containers burst open, spilling their contents everywhere.

"Tatsuha," I hissed. "I told you to only take one."

"I-I'm sorry," he said, starting to cry.

"Don't cry," I sighed, grabbing towels to mop up.

"Hey, what's going on in here?" I heard behind me. I froze, knowing that at least one person was standing in the doorway, if not more. I slowly turned around, and was relived to find it was only Tohma.

"Um… Breakfast?" I said.

"I see. Would you boys like a hand?" I nodded. "Alright, let's see. What did we spill? Milk and juice?" I nodded again, and Tohma helped me soak up the liquids. "Well this doesn't seem too bad." He looked in the fridge and pulled out another gallon of milk. "I don't see anymore juice, but that should be okay. I think the adults are all going to be more into coffee, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, showing him where the coffee stuff was. He got it all going, and just as it finished, Mika walked into the kitchen.

"Smells good. Who cooked?" My hand shot into the air, and she smiled. "Okay, I can't wait to eat then. Where's the coffee, Tohma?"

"Right here," he said, placing a cup in her hands.

"Oh, thank you, honey." Mika sat down next to Tatsuha, who was staring at the food. "Go ahead and eat, Tatsuha. I don't think Mother or Father will be up for a while longer." Tohma sat down and so did I. The four of us ate and talked quietly as the rain that had started the night before passed on.

Later that afternoon, Tatsuha was doing his homework and I was trying to recite deities in the living room while Father was doing work at the temple and Mother was shopping with Mika. Tohma was in our room, probably napping. I was muttering under my breath, but whenever I got stuck, or skipped something, Tatsuha would correct me.

I looked at him skeptically, watching him do his second grade work. "You should take the temple," I muttered, tired of reciting nonsense gibberish for Father. "You know more than I do, and I'm six years older than you."

Tatsuha looked at me, light tears lining his eyes. "But you're older. You'll always be picked first. If Mika were a boy, she would be the one taking it."

"If Mika-chan were a boy, Tohma-san wouldn't be here. And if he was, Mother and Father would pick me over her."

"How come?" he asked.

"Because if Mika-chan were a boy marrying a boy, Father would never speak to her again. Well, maybe that's too far. But he wouldn't be happy at all."

"Oh." Tatsuha went back to his homework and I continued muttering, getting quieter and quieter as writings started forming in my mind. Maybe a poem, or the opening of a story; I wasn't entirely sure. But suddenly I realized that I had left my notebook for anyone to find. I jumped up and nearly ran to my bedroom. I knocked before opening the door, unsure of what Tohma may have been doing. He answered the knock, and I walked in.

"Yes, Eiri?" he asked kindly. I stood stammering for a moment, blushing a violent red. "Eiri?"

"Um… I left a notebook u-under my pillow, and I kinda need it," I finally spat out. I looked at Tohma and then my pillow, praying he hadn't found it.

"This one?" he asked, sounding a little worried, holding up my notebook. I nodded. He handed it to me, trying to smile. "Ah… I'm sorry if it was private. I knew I shouldn't have, but once I found it, I couldn't stop reading." My face turned even redder as I took it from his outstretched hand. "I thought the poems were beautiful. So heartfelt and authentic. It really kind of spooked me. The story was wonderful as well. 'Teardrops' was my favorite part."

I looked at him, remembering the day I had written it. "Really?"

"Yes. It was precious." I felt my heart swell at his words, praising my work.

"Really? I've never let anyone see them, and sometimes I think they're bad," I said, lowering my head a little, the familiar sense of disappointment settling once more on my shoulders.

"It was terrific. If you could just get the chapters to stick to one another a little better, it would be nearly publishing worthy when it's finished." I stared at him. _Chapters…?_ I didn't understand.

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"Well," he said, opening the notebook, "your character development is very good. I like how you do it throughout, rather than in just the opening chapter or two. But your timeline doesn't quite fit together, and you sometimes mention past chapters, but not always. I really like your style, it's so unique."

"But…" I didn't know why he thought they were all one story. I thought they were all their own separate thing. "They're not chapters. They're short stories."

Tohma looked at me, surprised. "Really? You seem to use the same characters throughout it; it's all in first person, seemingly the same person. These are individual stories?" I nodded. "Well, take a look. You use the same character-character relationships as well as the same names."

"But they're separate," I insisted. "In this one, I talk about school. How the kids treat the narrator. In this one, it's home. How Mother acts. 'Teardrops' is about when Mika left. How hurt and scared I was to be left alone. 'Simple' was about when Tatsuha was a baby. Can't you see the differences?"

"Yes, but it's all about the timeline. Can't you see the similarities?" I thought a moment, and realized he was right. These were less stories, and more a diary written creatively. As a story, but all out of order. All I would have to do was rearrange them to make the timeline fit better.

"Wow," I muttered, finally seeing it. I looked at Tohma. "How did you see that? It's my life, and I knew exactly the order it should have gone in, but because I wrote it out of order, I didn't think of it that way."

Tohma smiled. "It's just something I've learned. They're all beautiful, but I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

"Please don't. Mother wouldn't like it."

"Alright. Now you go do something, okay?" I nodded and left after locking up my notebook, feeling secure that Tohma wouldn't say a single word to anyone about it.---


	6. Chapter 6

"Boys! Come to dinner!" Mother called. Tatsuha raced into the house, leaving the butterfly he had been chasing for the past twenty minutes. I gazed down once more at my garden, a smile on my face, then went to wash up.

I walked into the dinning room five minutes later, and was met by Mother's cold stare. I swallowed and sat down beside Tatsuha, my eyes downcast under hers. Father said grace, and we ate. I tried very hard to pay complete and utter attention to the conversation around me, but soon came to realize Tatsuha and I were being ignored, and so allowed my mind to wonder some. But of course, the second I stop thinking about what everyone is saying, Mother tries to speak to me.

"Hm? What, Mother?" I asked, having heard her on what I hoped was the first time.

"I asked you how your garden is coming," she said, irritation clear in her features.

"Oh. Well, the irises are doing well," I said, knowing that was the only thing she really wanted to hear.

"Good," she said, continuing to eat.

I didn't say anything else, but stared around the table a little. I finally spoke again when Father prompted me to continue. "Um… The daisies were wonderful, but they're dying now. Some of the snapdragons are nearly ready to bloom, and the baby's breath is sprouting." Father nodded approvingly, and I turned back to my food not expecting any other reaction, but saw a small smile on Tatsuha's lips, telling me that I was doing a good job. I could always count on him to bring me up a little with his smile. What surprised me was when I heard Mika speak.

"It sounds lovely, Eiri. Could you take me out to see it after dinner?" I looked up at her and nodded. She flashed a smile at me, like she knew I felt bad, and I smiled back, going back to eating. I didn't trust myself to think about other things, so I listened to what was said, not wanting Mother to get angry with me again.

After we had eaten and the dishes were done, it began to rain again. Mika promised to come out Sunday to look, and I complied. I lay awake that night, unable to sleep, even though the adults went to bed at a reasonable time. I was fidgeting, excited about my birthday the next morning. I rolled over at least a dozen times, until I heard voices from my bedroom. I listened carefully, curious to what they were talking about.

"Tohma, why did you tell me?" Mika asked fretfully.

"Because I'm as worried as you. Some of these aren't healthy, and that's exactly why you want to tell your parents," he countered.

"But you never should have _seen_ them. Does he even know?"

"Yes. I talked to him about them, and then he put it away."

"So why did you get it back out?"

"To show you," he hissed. "You're worried about what it says, and so am I. But we can't tell your parents."

"Why not!" Mika demanded, almost loud enough to wake Tatsuha.

"Because he told me not to say anything. I shouldn't have even showed you, but I was worried and thought you should know."

"He told you not to show me, and you did it anyway! Tohma, what is the matter with you? If he trusted you enough to leave it in here, where you knew where it was, _and_ where the key was, you shouldn't have said anything."

"I was just doing what I thought was best for _him_."

"If he ever finds out, he'll never trust you again! Tohma, Eiri is very sensitive about things like this. If he can't trust you, he gets scared of you."

"Mika, I was just-"

"Tohma, don't fight this point with me. When we got here yesterday, didn't you see how nervous he was? He didn't loosen up until after you looked at the gardens."

"Mika-"

"Because you liked _his_."

"Mika, I-"

"Tohma, you have to understand. He was _terrified_ for the first hour we were here. He didn't know you, or if you could be trusted. I would almost bet that half the reason he's so comfortable now is because we're engaged, and now you've totally shattered that thin trust by showing me his book of private…_writings_. He'll be crushed when he finds out, Tohma. And trust me, he will find out."

My eyes were wide and brimming with tears, listening to my sisters' words. She was mad at Tohma for showing her my book. She was right of course, all the trust I had put into him was gone, but I didn't want _her_ to be mad. Distrust was something I was used to. I had almost expected him to tell. Not quite, but if he hadn't liked my garden and the stories so much, I would have known he would.

The two of them continued to bicker, but I couldn't hear them anymore, over the sudden ringing in my ears and my gasps for air as I started crying rather hard. I buried my face into my pillow to muffle the sobs and catch the tears until I fell asleep once more.---


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I woke up and found myself face to face with Tohma sleeping on the floor. I watched him for a minute, seeing his eyes move slightly under their lids and hearing him snore gently. He breathed my sister's name, and for an instant I wondered why he was out here. Then I remembered the argument with Mika, and that he had broken my trust.

Tears flooded to my eyes again, and I put my head back on my pillow, crying softly now, the water running carefully along my face. I felt a hand on my back and looked up at Tatsuha on the couch.

"Hey," he whispered. "What kind of way is crying to start your birthday?" And then I remembered it was, in fact, my birthday.

I sniffed. "My way, I guess," I muttered, the tears falling harder. Tatsuha wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder until we heard Mother and Father getting up. I jumped up and went to the bathroom to wash my face and the tear streaks from it before Mother saw me.

I came out just as Father reached the bathroom, and we said good morning to one another, and then I went back to the living room, where Tatsuha was staring down at Tohma. "Think we should wake him?" he asked.

"I don't know. Mother and Father will want to know why he slept here, so I suppose so," I answered, nudging Tohma slightly with my toe. "Tohma-san, wake up."

He groaned and rolled over in response. Tatsuha got off the couch and helped me. We shook him gently at first, whispering his name, but I soon became annoyed, with my new, short temper for him. "Tohma-san," I said, "wake up." I shook him a little harder, and when nothing happened, I hit him lightly on the head. "Come on," I whined. "Tohma-san, wake up." All he did was snore a little louder. I finally went to my bedroom door and knocked.

"Yes?" Mika called, sounding a little flustered. I opened the door a crack. "Eiri. What is it?"

"Mother and Father are out of bed, and your loser boyfriend won't wake up," I answered truthfully.

"I'll come get him," she sighed. She walked out and grabbed Tohma by the hair.

"owowowowowowow!" he said, at last waking up.

"Come on, blabbermouth," Mika muttered, dragging him back to their room. "My parents are up, and they don't need to see you sleeping on the living room floor."

"Owowowowowowow! Do you have to be so rough? Owowowowowowow!"

"Yes," she said, throwing him in. "Now where's my damn coffee?"

The morning went on as any other, truthfully, except Mika was speaking very little to Tohma. Mother picked up on it immediately, but didn't say much.

I was practicing my deities with Tatsuha, and Tohma came over to try to talk to me. I stopped and looked at him. "What?" I asked, sounding as threateningly as I could, but was probably pretty timid.

"Um… I have to tell you something, before you find out through some bizarre grapevine. I told Mika about your-"

"I know," I said, a little defensively. "I heard you fighting last night." Suddenly, my eyes were full of tears again. I fought to keep them back and took several deep breaths, my lips trembling. "Why? I-I… I thought I could trust you. That you wouldn't tell. You promised you wouldn't. Why did you?"

"Eiri, I'm sorry. I just thought Mika should know the sorts of things you're writing."

"But, you told me you wouldn't say anything," I whispered, the hot tears winning, and slipping down my cheeks.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, but I… Well, I felt I had to. Do you understand?" I shook my head, choking the sobs in my throat. "I know I should never have shown her it, but I needed someone else in the secret. You know what that's like, right? When you know something, and you need someone to talk to about it? Someone who can understand?" I nodded slowly, kind of understanding that. "That's why I told Mika. She was the only one I wanted to tell, but she wants your parents to know too." My eyes shot open, all crying stopped as I realized that.

"No, they… They _can't_ know!" I said desperately. "If Mother sees half the things in there and knew they were how I feel she'd, oh I don't even want to think about it! She'd do something unimaginable! You can't let Mika tell! You have to stop her, Tohma-san, please!"

"I tried to last night, until she kicked me out of the bedroom. Eiri, I don't think I can stop her, but you could. Go talk to her." Tohma gave me a small hug, trying to fix the loss of trust, but I'm not bought over that easily.

I ran to find Mika, to beg her not to tell. She and Mother were on the front porch, having tea, when I found her. I paused, knowing Mother hates having her teatime interrupted. I was about to go ahead and try to talk to Mika, when she held my notebook out to Mother. My eyes bulged, and I froze.

"It's Eiri's," Mika said as Mother opened it. "It's a little out of order, but if you can piece the story together it's rather magnificent."

"Eiri wrote it?" Mother asked skeptically. I considered letting her read it, to prove to her I wasn't simple minded, but then she would just be mad at me for showing her she was wrong. Besides, that book had private stuff in it.

I stepped out and cleared my throat quietly. Mika looked at me with wide eyes. She could tell I was hurt by her giving Mother the book. Mother glanced up as well, and then turned back to the notebook. Disinterested, I saw her flip through, looking for something she would like. She stopped on a page with a daisy pressed in the pages. "Um, can I…h-have that back, Mother?" I whispered, hardly audible.

She held up a finger, indicating for me to wait, as she continued to read the poem there entitled "What's in a Garden?" I watched in horror as she read it, emotion flying clearly across her face, all of it some form of anger. I swallowed. She looked at me when she finished, fury present in her eyes.

"Eiri, what is this?" she demanded. All I could do was stammer like an idiot. "Eiri, answer me."

"J-just thoughts. Ideas. F-feelings," I muttered at long last. "Mother, may I please have it back? It wasn't meant for anyone but me to read."

"Then why did you let Mika see it?" she asked, falsely sweet.

"I-I didn't. Tohma-san showed her."

"And how did he get it?"

"I left it out Friday night," I whispered. "I really just want it back, please."

"Oh Eiri, why don't you let me read it?" she asked, pretending to care.

"Because you don't want to see it. You hate it already, even though you've only read one thing. You hated it before you read that poem," I said. "I just want it back before you see how bad it really is."

"Eiri, it's not bad at all!" Mika exclaimed.

"Eiri, dear, I _want_ to see what you wrote. It seems fascinating," Mother said.

"Then why did you jump to 'What's in a Garden?' instead of starting with 'Careless'?" I asked, a feeling of ability moving into my chest. "The first poem in the book."

She looked at me. "Well, if you know where everything is, why don't you just recite 'Careless' to me?"

I stared at her, knowing it was a challenge. I decided to take it. "Alright. "_'Careless: _

"'A tear slips down my cheek, and a hand reaches out, slapping it away.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'A foot stuck out and I trip over it, scraping my face.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'A word slips my mind, and I slink away to hide from the pain.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'Detention for fighting on the playground, when I was being ambushed.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'A hand, crossing my face every single night, unfailing.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'Fists, meeting my stomach every time I turn around.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'Pain moving through my body, constantly making me fall.

"'Just me, being careless.

"'A knife, piercing my heart, ending it all forever.

"'Just me, being careful.'"

I looked at my mother, the sudden shadow of defiance wavering and my fear of her hand becoming more sturdy. My lip began to quiver, but I bit it, stopping the movement. She stared at me, taking deep breaths so she wouldn't go off the end at me with Mika right there and Tohma in the house.

"Eiri," she said at long last, "go back in the house and practice, okay?" I nodded, turning back to the door, but then stopped and glanced back to her.

"May I please have it, Mother?" I asked once more, quietly.

"No. Now go inside," she instructed, and before I did I looked at Mika, resentment and fear prevalent on my face. Then I stumbled back into the house and to the living room, tears settling into my eyes again.---


	8. Chapter 8

I sat in the living room, staring at my books, trying not to cry on them while Tatsuha kept a comforting hand on my shoulder. Tohma had tried several times to talk to me, but after it was clear I wouldn't say anything other than informing him Mika had given the book to Mother, he went in search of her.

Mika walked in with Tohma just behind her, and wrapped her arms around me. "Eiri, I'm so sorry," she whispered. I sat, letting her hold me, but I didn't hug her back. "I was just worried. I'm sorry, I really am." I cried on her until my tears were gone again, and she continued holding me afterwards. "Eiri, it'll be fine. We'll go to dinner later and then you can open your presents when we get home. It will be just like any other birthday, I promise." I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. At least not fully.

Later on, after Father came home, Mika went to the porch to get Mother so we could get ready and go eat. She came back into the house, looking puzzled. "Father," she said, "did you see Mother when you came home?"

"She was leaving the porch, heading to the gardens, I think," he answered.

"Thank you," Mika said, walking to the back yard. "Mother!" she called. "Moth-!" She stopped, mid-word, and stared. Tohma walked over and I saw his eyes shoot to double their size and one of his hands flew to his mouth. Father joined them, grabbing hold of Tohma to keep from falling.

Tatsuha ran over, wanting to know what was happening. He froze, and then screamed. "Mother, NO!" I didn't want to see, or know. But I couldn't stop my legs from moving forward, to the door.

I looked out and saw Mother bent over one of the gardens. She had a hoe laid beside her and a trowel in her hand. I watched in horror as she ripped up the white iris. She split the stem with the trowel, and shredded the flower. Then she dug up the bulb and smashed it. She repeated the motion to the other three irises in my garden, and then threw down the trowel, stepping away. The ground was littered with the buds of my snapdragons. The baby's breath was overturned and the daisies had been torn to pieces. The entire garden was wrecked. Tears again swam before my eyes, once more distorting my vision. "No," I whispered. "M-my garden, my flowers…you ruined them." I fell to the ground and began to sob, my chest heaving. Tatsuha put his arms around me, and I just kept crying. I couldn't hear anything over my wails, but when Tatsuha was shoved away, I looked up in time to see Mother's hand coming straight for me.

It made contact with my cheek, and her nails scraped me, drawing blood. She hit me again and again, her hands raining down over me, slicing and bruising my skin. I cried harder and louder, and she hit me more. Finally Mika and Tohma pulled her away, but I went on screaming and crying, holding my arms over my head to block the blows. Father took me into the house and treated the cuts as Tatsuha watched.

"Father, is Eiri going to die?" he asked.

"No, Tatsuha," Father said.

"Is Mother going to be taken away?"

"I don't think so."

"What about Eiri?"

Father looked at Tatsuha and told him to stop worrying. "I'll take care of it, okay?" Tatsuha nodded as my breath hissed quietly, pulled in quickly through my teeth, at the pain of the rag soaked in peroxide on my cheek. He bandaged me up and sent us to our room. The two of us sat on my bed, listening to the adults arguing.

"Mother, I can't believe you could do something like that to him, to his garden!" Mika shrieked. "What is wrong with you? All he's done is found a way to express himself, but you just crushed him!"

"Why?" Father asked. "He tries, but everyone needs an outlet dear. I don't understand."

"You didn't see the book!" she screamed. "This vulgar poetry he writes! Look at it, look at it!" There was a quiet pause during which Father probably read one of the poems. "Don't you see!"

"I see that he is depressed, suppressed, and scared," Tohma said quietly.

"Stay out of this! Just because you're marrying in, doesn't mean you can get into our disagreements!" Mother exclaimed.

"Tohma, please, just stay out. It will be easier," Mika begged.

"But he has emotional problems! He needs help from someone, and this household obviously can't provide that for him!" he argued. "Mika, can't you understand that?"

"I do, I really do, Tohma, but let me fight my mother right now."

"But-!"

"Tohma, _please!_"

"I had to do something to stop him!" Mother cried.

"Dear, what has gotten into you?" Father asked, desperate to know.

Their voices began melding together into a single voice, telling me: "No one cares about you." I believed it, and it continued to scream the message into my skull as I cried, trying to drown it out but without success.

"He loved that damn garden!" Tohma finally exploded. "And you just ripped it apart, with no thought of your own son! I wouldn't have believed it yesterday, or a week ago, or even three hours ago! I wouldn't believe it now if I hadn't seen you do it with my own eyes! This is an unstable, unsafe and unreliable environment for him, and probably for Tatsuha as well! I want to get them out of here and away from you!"

"That's not going to happen! And that's not true! I love Tatsuha, I would never hurt him! He always behaves for his Father and I! He's a good boy! He's perfectly safe!"

"But will it stay that way?" Mika cried. "You didn't treat Eiri this badly when I was home, and you adored Tatsuha! I was perfectly fine too! But now you beat your oldest son and destroy his possessions! What's happened?"

"Eiri has just gotten in the way the past few years, and he has a lot to uphold for the family," Mother explained. "When he misbehaves, I punish him. Nothing I've never done before."

"Mina, you have gotten a little out of control with the punishments for Eiri lately," Father said.

"I want him," Tohma demanded. "Now. I've got an apartment in the states. I think he can get along better there than here where kids at school tease and his parents ridicule and abuse him."

"Tohma…" Mika said. Their voices were finally lowering, and we could no longer hear them over our tears. My head was throbbing and I felt a little dizzy. I closed my eyes a moment, and when I opened them again, the room was spinning. My breathing quickened, and I screamed in fear before passing out.---


	9. Chapter 9

Slowly, I opened my eyes and found myself in the living room. From the next room I heard more arguing.

"Some mother you are!" Tohma shouted. "We would have him in the hospital right now if it weren't for you!"

"Go blow your smoke somewhere else. I don't want to hear it!"

"He has a temperature! It was probably a delayed concussion from the blows to his head from you!"

"Shut up, both of you!" Mika screamed. Tohma obeyed, but Mother continued to grumble. Mika began to bicker with her then, and Tohma came to check on me.

"Hey, you," he whispered. "You're up. How'd you feel?"

I shrugged. "My head still hurts, but I'm not dizzy anymore," I answered truthfully.

"That's good. Can I take your temperature?" I nodded, and he put the thermometer in my mouth. When he took it out, he smiled. "Well, your temp's gone down, so you must be okay. That's good!" Mother screamed at Mika in the other room, and I tucked my knees up to my chest.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Why what?" Tohma asked, leaning down closer to me.

"Why is everybody fighting about me?"

"Because you've been hurt more than anyone could ever deserve. Eiri, your mother treats you horribly, whether you know it or not. I want to take you somewhere safe. Would you like that?"

"No!" I cried. "She's just rough! She doesn't hate me; she just punishes me for things. For being disobedient!" I said, remembering her words. "I deserve it, really! I don't listen like I should, or study, or do well in school! I deserve it all! I look different, that's why I'm teased at school, and I can't deal with it, so I wrote that stuff, and she punished me for whining about it! Honest! Please don't take me away!"

The fighting between Mother and Mika stopped then, and they walked in. "Oh, Eiri!" Mika said. "You're awake, thank goodness!" She came and hugged me, but I stared over her shoulder at Mother, wanting her to prove my point. But she only glanced at me, and then looked away.

"Eiri," Tatsuha whispered, after Mika had stepped out of the room with Tohma. "Eiri, Tohma-san only wants to help us. Understand?"

I shook my head. "No, we have to stay here. Mother and Father love us and need us. We can't leave for the states or something like that!"

He wrapped his arms around me. "Eiri, if you go, I'll go, but if you don't then neither will I." I felt tears slipping past his eyes and wiped them away. "Eiri, I don't want Mother to hurt you again. Please go with Tohma-san. I want to leave before she hits me."

"Tatsuha, she'll never hit you. You're her favorite now, you know that right?"

"How?"

"I've always been last, but Mika was the favorite, until she brought Tohma-san who disagrees with all of Mother's 'policies'. So now you're favorite, Mika's number two, and I'm still on the bottom rung."

"It's not true! It can't be!" he protested.

"Tatsuha, it's true," Father said, standing behind him.

"But why?" Tatsuha wailed.

"It all started when each of you were born," he answered. "Mika was the first and only girl, so your mother liked her more. You were the baby, so you got the highest place you could between yourself and Eiri."

"But why did I get above him?"

"Because Eiri looks mixed. It's as simple as that, really."

"What?" Mika shrieked, hearing what Father was saying. "Mother hates him because he looks _mixed_? Are you joking?"

"No, Mika. And now you've hit second place, leaving first for Tatsuha, because your fiancé doesn't blindly agree with her."

"This is ridiculous! Father, I want to take the boys with me tomorrow. Or tonight!"

"Mika, I would gladly hand you all rights and responsibilities, but your mother will never agree, and the boys have to want to go too."

"Well, I'll take them without her permission, and how could they not want to get out of here?" Mika declared.

"But Mika, Eiri doesn't want to go," Tatsuha whispered.

"What?"

"He won't go, Mika," he repeated. She looked at me, and I shook my head in confirmation.

"Eiri, _why?_" Tohma asked.

"I have to stay, I have to." He and Mika looked at one another, worried expressions on their faces.

"Eiri, won't you come stay with us for a couple of nights? You and Tatsuha?" Mika begged. I stared at her, unwilling to change my mind. "Well, alright. You can stay here, but if Tatsuha wants to go, we'll take him." She looked at our brother, but he just shook his head.

"Not without Eiri," he murmured. Mika sighed exasperatedly, and stalked out of the room. Father followed her and Tohma sat down next to me on the couch, Tatsuha curling up on my other side. They both put an arm around me, and we just sat in silence for a few minutes, until Tatsuha began to cry.

I hugged him and told him not to cry and that it would be okay. Mother would never hurt him, as long as I was there to place all blame on. Eventually he drifted to sleep, exhausted, and I noticed Tohma had left us alone. I laid Tatsuha on the couch and draped a blanket over him, then sat on the floor and started studying deities.

Time passed without much notice, but soon enough, I had to pee. I got up and went to the bathroom, leaving Tatsuha where he was. Before I got back though, he woke up and started crying again. Just as I came back, Mother walked in. I continued to my brother's side and held him. Mother stomped up to us and slapped me away. She reached down and smacked Tatsuha across the face.

"Stop that!" she hissed. I stood back up and watched as she hit him again when he cried harder. When she drew back for the third, I stepped between them, my back to Mother and tears crawling down my own face. Her nails scraped my back as I looked at Tatsuha's cheek.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. He nodded feebly. "I'm so sorry." Mother grabbed the back of my shirt and turned me around to face her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. I stared at her, stony faced. She slapped me, but I didn't cry out. I didn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she had hurt me. "Eiri, you answer me!"

"Protecting him," I said simply.

"Protect--!" she started. Then she began to laugh. "Oh, little boy, you don't know _how_ to protect."

"I do so," I said, resisting the urge to spit in her face.

"Oh yeah? How?"

"Like this!" I said, kicking her in the knee and then fulfilling the aforementioned urge. As she wiped my spit from her eyes I grabbed Tatsuha's arm and ran through the room to the kitchen and out the door, until I found Mika and Tohma talking. "Um, we'll go now."---

* * *

oh my gosh, i am so sorry it took so long to update! i'm leaving for camp, for 3 weeks, in about 2 weeks, so i should get this about half done by then! --chelsea 


	10. Chapter 10

Mika managed to usher Tatsuha and I to our room to pack, while Father and Tohma restrained and tied Mother down to protect us. They said it was to keep us all three safe, but I know it was just me. She didn't care about getting the other two, at least not yet. She just wanted to punish me for being bad. For being different. For being who I was.

I robotically piled my favorite clothing and my rites into a bag. I put in the pillow I could hardly sleep without and opened the drawer to get my notebook, my mind not reminding me Mother had had it last until I had searched half of the cabinet. Mika took us back to the other room, and shoved us right past our mother, who was screaming obscenities at me. Tears welled once more in my eyes, but this time they weren't of fear or pain, but of anger. I was furious that she would have touched little Tatsuha, so innocent, who hadn't done anything. If she wanted to beat someone, it was supposed to be _me_. Not Tatsuha. Not Mika. Just _me_.

I watched from the yard as Mother kicked and screamed, thrashing to get away. Mika picked up the phone and dialed. Within ten minutes, police were there. They pulled up quickly, stopping centimeters from my head. I stared up the car beside me, trying not to think about what was happening inside. Mother had gotten free, so we had ducked, terrified. The police hadn't even seen us. Tatsuha was sobbing excessively next to me. Four cops got out. They all started inside, but one, the only woman, turned back when she saw us crouched in front of the car and came to see if we were okay.

She crouched down before me and smiled. "Hey, scout," she whispered. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "What about your little friend here?" I shook my head. "What happened?"

"M-Mother slapped him."

"How many times?"

"T-twice."

"Is that all?" I nodded again. "Why?"

"He wouldn't stop crying."

"Okay. Well, we're going to take care of him, okay?" I nodded again, and she turned to Tatsuha. "Sweetie, where did she hit you?" He pointed to his cheek, where a slight bruise was forming. "That doesn't look too bad. Has she hit you before?" Tatsuha shook his head. "Alright. I'll be right back." She turned and walked into the house and we grabbed our bags and moved closer so we could hear.

"Hey! There's a couple kids out here, boys! I can't believe you missed them. It's lucky we didn't run them down with the car," she said.

"What are you talking about, Chaiko?" one asked, holding handcuffs in his hands, prepared to put them on Mother.

"A pair of little boys, sitting right in front of the car! Nearly took the one's head off, Ginta!" she retorted.

"Fine, are they okay?" asked the one holding Mother down.

"Enough, Hikaru. One has a bruise forming, but it doesn't look too bad," Chaiko said. The third guy was in the middle of talking to Tohma, and looked over at her.

"How old are they?"

"I don't know, Akira," she sighed. "The one must be under ten, and the other's in his _early_ teens. Thirteen, fourteen maybe."

"Yeah. My little brothers," Mika said. "Eiri and Tatsuha."

"Ma'am, if you could just wait until I get to you, it would go much smoother," Akira said to her.

"Wanna hear the kicker?" Chaiko asked.

"What?" Hikaru asked.

Chaiko waved Akira over and whispered it to them. "You're kidding!" Ginta exclaimed. Chaiko shook her head.

"Well, we've got to make sure first, right?" Hikaru asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go talk to them again. I'll be back. Continue."

Mika, Tohma and Fatherwere demanding to know whatthey were talkingaboutas she walked out the door, ignoring them all. She looked at the car, but we weren't there. "Uh-oh," she muttered. I cleared my throat to inform her of our new position. "Oh, there you are!" she chimed, smiling. "Can you tell me what happened?" We sat silently. "Please?"

I shook my head slowly and gently stroked Tatsuha's hair to keep him calm. Chaiko sighed. "You're going to be difficult, aren't you?" We didn't answer. "I'm Chaiko, what're your names?"

"We're not supposed to talk to strangers," Tatsuha murmured. She looked taken aback, then recomposed herself.

"But I'm not a stranger, I'm a policeman. I'm your friend." Tatsuha looked at me, but I shook my head. "Please? I just want to help you, Eiri," she whispered, looking from him to me, unsure which of us it was. "Tatsuha."

"She hit me for crying," Tatsuha said. "Mika got us outside and called. I don't want Mother to be taken away because of _me_," he whispered, starting to cry. I held him tightly and told him it was okay.

"She shouldn't have hit you. You didn't do anything. I promise you're safe as long as she's gone."

"You promised I'd be safe if you were there," he sobbed.

"I know. I was wrong, but I tried."

Chaiko stared at us, wanting to understand. "Boys, what happened?" Tatsuha buried his face in my chest and I stared back at her. "Please just tell me if she's ever hit him before," she asked me.

"No. She has never, _ever_ hit Tatsuha before," I provided.

"Thank you." She stood and started inside.

"If you get my notebook from them, I'll tell you if she's ever hit me," I muttered. She paused, looking at me.

"What kind of notebook?"

"It's blue. There's some kanji and English written on the cover. It's almost full, too. Please get it back."

"Okay," she said. She walked inside. "Eiri, I think, says she's never hit the younger one before. Right?" she asked Mika.

"She _hit_ Tatsuha?" Mika exclaimed.

"Oh my-- I didn't even notice!" Father said.

"She- Why would she have _ever_--?" Tohma fumbled.

"Yes. Wasn't the call about him? He has a bruise coming in on his cheek, I just assumed…"

"No," Mika said. "It was about Eiri! She's been beating him for years, but I've been away, I had no idea. She beat him badly early this afternoon. That's why we called."

"Oh! Alright, Ginta, cuff her already."

"On it." As the cuffs slipped over her wrists and her rights were read, I walked into the house.

"I'll say it again: I'm not confessing or accusing Mother of anything until I have my notebook back." Everyone in the room looked at me, as though seeing me for the first time. "At least not that she did anything to me. To Tatsuha, maybe." Mika looked at Mother, who just smiled, then she ran into the kitchen. I stood, trembling, waiting for her to come back. When all she brought back was the mangled cover, clinging to the spiral for life, and the few odd pages still holding on, I burst into tears. I whipped around to face my mother, off of the wall now that she was handcuffed.

"How could you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I stand here, taking your _shit_, _trying_ to make _you **love** _me, _trying _to find your approval! I _avoided_ you when I knew I would cry so you wouldn't make it _worse_! I tried to make you happy for _years_, and you couldn't let me have the _one_ thing that made me get out of bed in the morning. Besides your damn hand beating my ass every four seconds! I HATE YOU!" I screamed, lunging at her, wanting to beat her myself. Before I got within distance, though, she kicked me away, knocking the air from my lungs and causing me to fall to the floor.

I stood back up, glaring at her. Tears were in my eyes, livid that she would shred my book, but I should have known she could, no _would_, since she'd destroyed my garden. I refused to let the water slip down my face, refused to give her the pleasure of knowing I was hurt. Instead, I screamed swears at her.

"You goddamn bitch! You stupid, goddamn _bitch_! I HATE YOU! I hate you, I hate you! You can't let me be happy for _one_ damn day! One day! You can't let me have my own fucking _birthday_! What kind of damn mother does that!" I was struggling to stay on my feet, to not collapse and cry. Slowly the salty water began to slip past my eyes, burning the scrapes on my face from earlier that day. "You ruined the one thing I loved and the one pastime I had! Why? What the fuck did that get you, damn it?" Everyone else was staring at me silently. "Answer me, damn it! NOW!" She didn't. The two holding her hauled her out as she started laughing. Laughing at me. At the pain I didn't hide as well as I thought I had. At the things I had held precious. At my anger. I finally gave up and fell down, sobbing heavily. Mika ran over and pulled me into a hug as Chaiko went to bring in Tatsuha.

I'm unsure how long I cried, but when I stopped, Father was holding me, and Akira was talking to Tohma and Mika as Tatsuha slept nearby. It was the last time I cried for myself, for something that had happened to me. Father smiled and kissed my forehead, handing me aspirins as I realized I had a splitting headache. "Thank you," I whispered. Chaiko turned towards us from over Tatsuha, hearing me speak. She swooped over, motioning Father away to tend to Tatsuha, and began questioning me.

"Sweetie, can you tell me what happened?" I looked at her, not wanting to talk. I was feeling extremely tired and I saw it was dark outside. "Eiri, please? I just want to help you."

"What happened when?" I asked coolly. "This evening, when I started screaming? This afternoon, when she hit Tatsuha? This afternoon, when she destroyed my garden? Or the last five years, when she made sure her hand connected with my body forcefully at least once a day?"

She looked at me and sighed. "Let's try starting with Tatsuha."---


	11. Chapter 11

"Alright, here's the deal," Mika said three days later. "Mother's lawyer says they'll let us do Tatsuha on abuse, if we don't touch Eiri. It's the best I can get, butshe's supposed toconfess." We all went along, but when it came time, she plead innocent. So the whole thing went to court, and none of us were pleased.

Tatsuha's court case blew in and out over the next month and a half, and I only left Tohma's apartment once, to testify, the entire time. Tatsuha was out much more than I was. For the first month I wouldn't leave my room. Mika was worried I wouldn't go to testify, but I did. I wouldn't let Mother get away with touching a single hair on Tatsuha's head.

I told the lawyer what Mother had done. That she had hit him twice in the face and when I stopped her from hitting him a third time, she scratched at me. Pictures were shown of the marks on Tatsuha's face from her hand. Evidence of the scratches were shown, and our lawyer sat down. I didn't want to talk to Mother's lawyer, but I had to.

"Your mother had never hit Tatsuha before?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No."

"And she was in a stressed state on this day, correct?"

"Yes," I said, not liking where he seemed to be going.

"Was there anything particularly 'special' about the day?"

"Not to my recollection," I ground through my teeth.

"So this _could_ be set aside as a sudden, uncommon, outburst, true?"

"Objection! Your honor, this is speculation and there is no way he could answer that. It's a question for a psychiatrist."

"No, it's an honest question," the lawyer argued.

"Nagasame, please keep the questions within the scope of the case and the witness's answering ability."

"Yes, your honor," he said apologetically. He then turned back to me. "Has your mother ever acted this way towards him before?"

I bit my lip, hating him. I wanted to say yes. That she had been like that before, that she had hit me _thousands_ of times. But that wasn't the question. "No," I whispered.

"Please speak up," the judge said to me.

"No," I repeated, louder. "Not that I've ever seen."

"And if she had, you would have known, yes?"

"Yes." I was staring hard at my lap, tears shining in my eyes, but not slipping away.

"Nothing further," he said, sitting back down. Our lawyer stood back up.

"I would like to re-examine the witness," she said briskly. She walked up to me. "Eiri, has your mother ever hit you or either of your siblings before this?" I looked up quickly, a sparkle in my eyes. I opened my mouth to say yes, but Mother's lawyer interrupted.

"Objection. There is no relativity in the question." The judge beckoned them both forward, and they spoke quietly, although I could hear them.

"There is relativity," she insisted. "I asked about his siblings. That includes Tatsuha."

"But we've already shown that she's never hit him before."

"But a chain of hitting her other children would show a pattern of child abuse."

"But you aren't looking for a chain, you're looking for Tatsuha."

"A chain would say that this attack was, in fact, child abuse."

The judge cleared his throat softly. "Ms. Kisonare, please retract the question. We are looking for evidence of abusive behavior towards Tatsuha, not the others. Make a separate case for that if you must, but for now take it back."

"Yes, your honor," she said. Mother's lawyer walked back to his seat, a smug look of superiority on his face. She withdrew her question, and began to sit back down. But she stopped, turned, and asked me what day it was that this had happened.

"S-Sunday," I said, not understanding.

"What was the date?"

"The twenty-third. Of February."

"And was there anything _special_ about that day?" I sat, bewildered, but suddenly it came to me.

"Objection. Your honor, I've _just_ asked the same question. It's been covered that no, there was nothing special.

"Your honor, my witness's mind is fogged right now. I believe that the date will jog his memory."

"I'll let it stand. I hope there's something behind this Ms. Kisonare."

The few tears causing my eyes to ache disappeared, and I almost smiled as I answered. "My birthday. She ruined my birthday."

"Nothing further," she said, smirking as she sat. I didn't go back until the jury came out of deliberation, two days after going in. I couldn't be in the court room, but I listened with my ear pressed against the door. I could barely hear them. It was too loud in the hall.

I stood back from the door as Mika and Tohma came out. I looked up at them expectantly, and Tatsuha stood beside me, his eyes large and watery, acting as nervous as a puppy. Mika reached down and lifted Tatsuha into her arms. I continued to stare apprehensively. Tohma put a hand on my head and led me out, Mika following slowly, carrying Tatsuha. He buried his face against her, knowing it hadn't worked. She was free. But I refused to believe Mother had gotten away with it until I was told. I finally found my voice as Father walked to us from across the courtyard.

"What happened?" I asked quietly and timidly, scarcely louder than a mouse could have been.

"We lost," Father said, hugging me.

"H-how?" I asked, not allowing myself to cry.

"I'll tell you later, alright?" Tohma said when Father didn't answer. I nodded. Father left to go to the temple. He hadn't been there for a week, and a lot of work had to be done.

That night Tatsuha was sleeping and Mika had gone to work. I was trying to reconstruct some of my notebook, but in order this time. The poems were done because I had most of them memorized. I knew that as I rewrote the story it was changing, but that was alright. Tohma sat at the table across from me and set a bowl of ice cream in front of each of us. I stared at it a moment, then him. He smiled weakly, and said I needed something to cheer me up. I returned the smile, but at half the strength he used.

As I started eating, he spoke. "We lost because there wasn't enough evidence. Your mother under dramatized the slaps, she said he was crying over nothing and she was just trying to get him under control when she accidentally lost it. Tatsuha wouldn't talk about anything but what she did to you before. The notebook and th…the garden. He was in contempt of court and his testimony thrown out. Your father wouldn't testify against his wife. Your testimony was the only thing saying she actually hit him until she went up. And she claimed she didn't hit him that hard." He paused and I took it all in. Tatsuha's testimony was worthless because he wouldn't answer a question? Why? "Mika couldn't bring herself to speak ill of her mother in front of all those people, and I know she's very upset about it. I didn't testify because… Well, I'd brought an awful lot of hurt into the picture, but if I hadn't, more would have come, don't you think?" I nodded gently. "I wanted to testify, to bring some peace into it, but Mika felt I'd done enough and the lawyer didn't want the jury to think we were piling too many men against her."

"We're going to try her for me, right?" I whispered. Tohma looked at me. He nodded.

"Yes. If that's what you want."

"Yes."

"Alright," he said, grabbing his phone carefully. "Here. Ms. Kisonare is on speed dial. Number seven."

I pressed the button and, with her and Tohma's help, set up the charge. Mika had been the one filing the charges before, so she had been there, right beside the lawyer through the entire case. Tatsuha and I could only be there on days we were testifying.

But I was filing the charges this time, which meant _I_ would be sitting next to the lawyer through it all. A constant reminder to the jury of who she was beating.---

* * *

alright, as promised! this is the half-way mark. i will not update for 3 weeks because i am leaving sunday. sorry, but we're half done already! hope to hear from you! (cough:review please:cough) thanks! --chelsea 


	12. Chapter 12

hey! sorry for the looooooong wait... here's the next chapter! i hope it's good. but i know a few details of how a court would run is a little incorrect, but please let it go. --chelsea

* * *

Tohma was driving the car and I was in the passenger seat. He glanced at me and I was staring out the window, holding the papers tightly in my hands. "Are you sure about this?" he asked me quietly. I nodded. "Want me to come in?" I nodded again, more slowly. 

We pulled into the driveway and he killed the engine. We climbed out of the car and I walked the familiar steps to my mother's front door. I knocked twice, and Father answered. He let us in and both followed me to Mother on the porch, drinking her tea. I set the papers down beside her cup and the other two stood back in the doorway.

She looked at me, and then picked up the papers. "What are these?" she asked coldly.

"Court papers," I said stiffly. "I'm taking you in for abuse."

"Sorry to tell you, but your sister already tried that and I won."

"Abuse towards _me_, Mother. Not Tatsuha." She stared at me, her anger growing. She stood slowly, and faced me.

"Get out," she growled.

"Alright," I said simply, and turned to go. For a moment I think she was shocked that I was going, but then she snapped. She stepped forward, screaming at me to leave, and hit me in the face. I stared up at her, an icy expression in my eyes. It scared her, but only for an instant. Once it passed, she was on me, howling like a banshee. She clawed at me, and I only screamed once, in pain, as she dug a nail deep into my cheek.

"I'll kill you," she growled. "I'll kill you!" She pulled my hair, and scratched open several stretches of skin, making me bleed. When Father and Tohma had got her off, she was holding a fistful of my hair and her hands were covered in my blood. My tongue was throbbing. I must have bitten it.

I stood up, and Tohma started to lead me back through the house, but I stopped. I stared at my mother, wiped my lips with the back of my hand, and spat the blood welling in my mouth on the ground at her feet. "I'll see you in court," I said, whistling the 's' because a tooth was lying in the blood. I left it there, and walked away.

A week later, Ms. Kisonare was with us going over our testimony's. Mika and Tohma were both testifying this time, on my insistence. I had told Tatsuha he didn't have to if he didn't want to, but he was willing.

"Now onto the day of the call," Ms. Kisonare said, running through with Mika. "What happened?" I lazily scratched at the bandage on my face from where Mother had torn out a chunk of my cheek. It hurt like hell and itched beyond reason. I could barely stand it, but I did.

I was jotting down notes for a new chapter of my notebook story, which I had taken to calling Underneath, while Mika went over it all. Tatsuha sat down beside me and set down a glass of milk and plate of cookies. I looked at him from where I was lying on the floor, and he smiled, holding his own milk. I smiled back and began to eat.

Ms. Kisonare finished with Mika and turned her attention to us as Mika went out the door to work. We both went over what we'd seen and done. What we could remember of what had happened. How she was acting and how scared we were. We went to bed when she was done, and she talked to Tohma for a long while. I, of course, couldn't sleep, and listened to him speaking.

"I had never met Eiri, or any of the rest of Mika's family, until the Friday before his birthday. Eiri was home from school. Something about fights, I wasn't sure." I fell asleep listening to him talk about my garden, before Mother had trashed it, and I could see it in my minds eye. Two days later, he was on the stand testifying. "He was shy, but hadopened up by the time his brother came home that day. I didn't notice anything off about Mina's behavior towards Eiri until Mika, her parents and I were talking while the boys were asleep." _Or so he thinks_, I thought, but didn't make a sound. "I was talking about his garden, and I mentioned the fact that the baby's breath was scattered. She almost blew a fuse. It startled me, and I was a little scared." He went on, through the entire weekend, ending when the police call had been made.

"Thank you," she said. "One more. Have you seen her hit him since that day?"

"Yes," Tohma said, staring at my mother. I smirked. Mother was fuming. Ms. Kisonare sat down beside me, and Mother's lawyer, Mr. Nagasame, stood.

"You say you had never seen her hit him before that Sunday?"

"Yes. I had never met her."

"But surely this could just be something spontaneous and out of the ordinary."

"I highly doubt it."

"And you say you saw her hit him _since_ the day in question?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Just over a week ago. He was--"

"Nothing further," he interrupted. Tohma was allowed to go. He smiled at me as he walked past and I smiled shyly back. Mika was brought forward next.

"What was your mother like when you lived in the home?" Ms. Kisonare asked.

"Well, when she disciplined me it was never with her hand, and rarely harsh. It was very similar with Tatsuha, if not lighter since he was so young." Mika paused, gathering her thoughts.

"And Eiri?" Ms. Kisonare prompted, wondering why she was waiting.

"Objection! She's leading the witness."

"Sustained."

"I withdraw the comment."

Mika took a breath and began again. "With Eiri she would hit him before sending him to his room or a corner. Usually only once, sometimes twice,but generally more than once a day."

"I would like to enter into evidence," Ms. Kisonare said, lifting, from the table I was sitting at, my torn notebook, "this notebook. It was once filled with stories and poems, was it not?"

"Yes, it was," Mika said, her eyes wet with tears.

"Who ruined it?"

"Mother."

"And you read these entries, didn't you?"

"I did."

"Did you show anyone this book of Eiri's private writings?"

"Yes," she choked, barely holding back the water. "M-my mother."

"Where did she start?"

"In the middle. There was a page with a pressed flower."

"What did she think of these?"

"She despised them before she had read a single word. Eiri knew, and I realized it too late," Mika answered harshly.

"Would you please explain the work on the inside of the cover?" she asked, handing the notebook to Mika. She took it.

"It has a drawing, more of a sketch, of his garden. There are four irises, one in each corner of the square plot. An arrow is drawn to each one from a name. 'Mother' in the top left, and 'Father' in the right. 'Mika' is written on the bottom right and 'Tatsuha' on the left. One for each of us. There are daisies etched in carefully, almost delicately." It had been delicately. I had been in a sort of floating mood that day, distracted. "In English it says here 'hate' and 'fear'. He drew the kanji for 'danger' and 'terror'."

"Thank you." Ms. Kisonare sat back down. It was a long moment before Nagasame stood.

"It took an awful lot of coaxing to get him to go with you and your fiancé, didn't it?" he asked coolly.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Eiri didn't want to admit that she was abusive," Mika replied grudgingly.

"Did you, maybe, _plant_ the thought that she was hurting him in his mind?"

"No!" Mika cried before Ms. Kisonare could object. "We may have brought him to the realization, but we in no way, shape or form tricked him into thinking it!"

"That's all." He sat, and Ms. Kisonare stood back up.

"What made him believe?"

"Mother hit Tatsuha. Eiri didn't think she would ever do that and when it happened, the world he had crashed down around him to reveal reality." I couldn't have phrased it better.

"Thank you."

Mika left, and the judge called a thirty minute recess, after which, the defense would call a witness.---

* * *

please review! the next chappie should be up soon! i've also recently realized that i messed up how the stuff in newyork goes, but i can't change it now. you'll see soon enough. --chelsea 


	13. Chapter 13

okay, i'm really really really really REALLY sorry for taking so long to update. i have no one to blame but myself. not that i can't _try_... like school. it's school's fault(not really, but i can pretend). i hope you remember what's happening. eiri's in court... his mother's on the stand. she's a bitch. so here's the chapter! --chelsea

_**ineedalinebreakerverybadly!**_

She sat there and lied. _Lied_! Maybe not a total lie at first, but I knew the difference between it and the truth.

"I was under a lot of stress that day, and I got a little out of control. I apologized right away, but his sister had gotten it into his mind that I was cruel and trying to kill him. Or some such similar nonsense."

"Had you ever hit him before or since then? With that sort of force?"

"No," she lied, straight faced. I couldn't believe it. How could she just do that?

"Mr. Seguchi said you broke loose on your son. Is this true?"

"No. Not the way _he_ said it. I had asked him several times to go, and he refused, so I smacked him once."

"Nothing further." I was boiling. She just _lied_ like that. How _could_ she? She wouldn't have said any of that stuff if she'd known that Tatsuha and Father were testifying as well. Big mistake. Ms. Kisonare went up and took my notebook with her.

"You read his book, correct?"

"I did."

"And when you finished you were angry?"

"No. I was distressed. There's a significant difference," she said.

"Do you remember where you started in the notebook?"

"The beginning, of course."

"Mika said you started in the middle."

"She was mistaken. I started at the front and read every word carefully. I love Eiri."

"Only a few pages remain in it. You tore this apart, didn't you?"

"No. I've never seen it in pieces like that."

"Would you read this poem please? The very last page."

Mother then read the poem I had written the day before Mika arrived. When she was done she sniffed disdainfully. The jurors noticed.

"That's all." Mother came down and sat beside Nagasame as Ms. Kisonare sat beside me.

"Does the defense have any other witnesses?" the judge asked.

"No, your honor."

"The prosecution?"

"Yes, your honor," Ms. Kisonare said. Nagasame paled a little, but Mother still looked confident. Father walked in, and Mother smirked.

"Has your wife ever hit Eiri with excessive force before?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Sunday, February twenty-third. The day we called the police, and Eiri's birthday."

"Was there any other time?"

"Ever since Mika moved out she had become more and more violent with him. He always had bruises either from her or kids at school picking on him."

"What did you think of his notebook?"

"I never got the pleasure of reading it all the way through. I read one poem, '_Careless_', I believe, was the title. It was extremely touching, but somewhat terrifying that my son could write something like that."

"Could you recite it?" she asked.

"Oh no," Father said, surprised. "I would slaughter it." Ms. Kisonare glanced at the notebook.

"The original version isn't here," she murmured to herself. She glanced back at me, and then the judge. She stepped up to him and asked a hushed question. He nodded. She walked back to me and asked if I knew the poem. I nodded.

"I rewrote all the poems," I whispered, still whistling because of the missing tooth. "Exactly as they were, I think. Those were easy enough to remember. At least most."

"Do you have it?" I shook my head and she brought me forward. "If Eiri recites it, could you confirm that it was the one you read?" Father nodded. I was suddenly flushed and blushing. I took a few breaths and then said it:

"'Careless/ A tear slips down my cheek, and a hand reaches out, slapping it away./ Just me, being careless./ A foot stuck out and I trip over it, scraping my face./ Just me, being careless./ A word slips my mind, and I slink away to hide from the pain./ Just me, being careless./ Detention for fighting on the playground, when I was being ambushed../ Just me, being careless./ A hand, crossing my face every single night, unfailing./ Just me, being careless./ Fists, meeting my stomach every time I turn around./ Just me, being careless./ Pain, moving through my body, constantly making me fall./ Just me, being careless./ A knife, piercing my heart, ending it all forever./ Just me, being careful.'"

Father nodded. "That was it. I was frightened that he would have such thoughts, but the beauty of it is astonishing." I sat back down, and Ms. Kisonare finished with Father. After the cross-examination, he was free to go, and Tatsuha was brought in.

He told everything that happened on my birthday and every single other time he could remember of Mother hitting me. He told everything that happened while I was unconscious. All the fighting. That Mother refused to let me go to a hospital. His fears that I was going to die. He was perfect, so innocent and sweet. The jurors loved it. Nagasame couldn't even find anything to rile him up over in the cross-examination. Then, I was all that was left.

I told all that I remembered of my birthday and the days surrounding it. I told exactly what had happened when I delivered the papers to her and recited every poem asked of me. Nagasame tried to trip me up, but I gave the true and honest answers, and even messed him up once. I was suppressing a smile as I sat down.

"Is that all?" the judge asked. The lawyers both nodded. "Alright. Closing statements and court is recessed until the jury has found a verdict." Everyone broke apart as the jury left. I was feeling confident, for the first time in a long while, that we had it. I didn't know a better feeling for twelve hours, when we walked back into the court room the next morning, the verdict in the juror's hand. He gave it to the judge, who passed it back and asked the verdict.

"We, the jury," he said, "find the defendant, Mina Uesugi, guilty on all charges." Mother screamed bloody murder. I walked back to the door, containing myself, and stepped out, met immediately by Tatsuha and the others. They looked at me excitedly, and I smiled.

I leapt into Mika's arms, hugging her and crying, "We did it! We won!"---

_**ireallyneedthatlinebreakerrightaboutnow!**_

yay! they win! nn this should be finished going up sometime between halloween and thanksgiving. we'll see what happens. and i'm really sorry that i screwed up court-thingy-ma-bobbies... yeah... please review! mm --chelsea


	14. Chapter 14

hey, sorry i was so long! here's the next chapter. if something doesn't make sense, let me know! i'll try to explain! well, here we go, into the ny-arc! n.n YAY! sorry. --chelsea

* * *

"Are you sure, Tatsuha?"

"Yeah," he muttered, wiping his nose with his right index finger. I smiled slightly.

"I'll stay if you want," I whispered.

"No!" he squeaked. "Eiri, I want you to go. Mika and Father will be here, and Mother's gone. Don't worry about me." I pulled him gently into a hug.

"If you're absolutely sure."

"Yes. Go, I'll be fine. I want you to be happy. Somewhere safe." We each smiled softly, and he carefully kissed my cheek, trying not to brush the bandage. He did, and it hurt, but I didn't show that.

"I'll write you soon, okay?" He nodded excitedly.

"I'll miss you." We broke apart and walked to Tohma and Mika. Tohma took his lips from my sister's and promised to see her soon.

"Don't worry. He's safe with me," he said.

"I know," Mika answered quietly. I followed Tohma to the plane and I watched out the window as the place I had grown up all my life faded away.

I sat back in the seat and wriggled uncomfortably. Tohma smiled weakly at me. "It's alright. I know the first plane ride can be scary, but it gets better." He seemed worried himself, and that made an uneasy feeling rise in my stomach. I didn't get out of my seat the first half of the trip and could hardly eat what I was offered.

Somewhere over an ocean I was staring down and suddenly realized I really had to go to the bathroom. I quietly asked Tohma where it was, feeling embarrassed. He kindly told me and even took me back, understanding my nerves. He was even still there when I came out. I smiled shakily and thanked him as he led me back to our seats. He put an arm around me, and it made me feel a little better.

Before we reached the states, we flew through a storm. We had to refasten our seatbelts and I sat, staring out the window. I watched the lightning strike several times before I grabbed Tohma's arm. He wrapped his other hand around mine, and I looked at him, a terrified expression on my face. "I'm scared," I whispered. Tohma smiled softly.

"That's okay." I clung to him the rest of the trip, a sudden fear that if I let him go something would happen to break the window and I would be swept away coming over me.

Once we landed, he pried me off long enough to unbuckle us both. I hung on his arm, nearly making us trip on the stairs, until we ate. He wasn't angry about it; I think he liked that I was so attached now. He had been scared I wouldn't go because of the notebook, but right then, I didn't really care.

We picked up our bags, and I didn't let go, forcing us each to carry all of our things in one hand. We found the food court and he forced me to sit at a table with the bags while he got us dinner. He sat down across from me and we both ate greedily. I watched him for a moment, and tried not to laugh when he dropped taco meat into his lap. I picked up my glass of Sprite and put the straw in my mouth to cover my giggles as he tried to clean it off.

He glanced up at me and could tell I was laughing. He made a face, and I couldn't stop it. I laughed hard, and what little soda I was drinking nearly came out my nose. That made it worse. I just started laughing and almost fell off my chair. It was just too funny. He laughed too, and we didn't stop until long after we reached his apartment.

When we left the food court people were staring at us. He hailed a taxi outside and we laughed the entire way. He led me up, and as we started to settle in for bed we managed to control ourselves. Tohma pulled the couch into a bed and threw some pillows and blankets down.

"There we go. We'll have to get you your own bed tomorrow, but for tonight you can use my bed and I'll sleep out here, okay?" I nodded happily. He showed me the bedroom, and even tucked me in. "Sleep good, and I'll show you around the city in the morning." He gently rubbed my head and went to the living room. I fell asleep rather quickly, tired from the trip.

A few hours later I woke up to thunder rumbling outside. Only minutes later, lightning flashed followed by more thunder. I watched the storm out the window for half an hour, unable to sleep, then snuck out to the other room. Tohma was sleeping peacefully, his blankets shrugged off. I climbed up beside him and pulled the blankets around us both. I hunkered down, curled up against his back, and soon fell asleep, comforted by his body heat and slow breathing.

The next time I woke up, Tohma was shaking me gently. "Eiri, it's time to get up." I opened my eyes and he was smiling at me from above the bed. "Breakfast is ready," he said. I climbed out of the bed, rubbing sleep from my eyes, and followed him to the table where eggs were awaiting me. We ate quietly as I started writing in my head and he read the newspaper. I was lost to my own world, having completely forgotten about the food in front of me, when Tohma said my name.

My eyes snapped to his face, and my cheeks reddened in embarrassment. He smiled. "Eiri, eat your breakfast," he said. After two months of me staying with him and Mika he had learned when I was writing. "It'll get cold and we need to get going." I complied and had it gone within ten minutes. Five minutes later I was dressed and he was locking the door behind us.

We walked around one part of the city and got me a bed that would be delivered three days later. "Great. Time to clean a little," Tohma had said as we walked out of the store. We had lunch at a hot dog stand, and I was starting to get a little hyper off of candy he had bought me. Sugar plus me, equals at least one unsuspecting, freaked out, adult. By the time we got back to Tohma's apartment, I knew I was getting on his nerves. I hid myself away for about an hour, until the high passed, then sat and talked with Tohma for a while.---

* * *

okay! so that's the chapter, we're finally in ny! this is what we've been waiting for! kinda. ANYWAY! this arc is quite incorrect in accordance to the manga, but i wrote it this way, so it's staying. also, i don't own sprite. i thought i ought to mention that. you know, just in case you thought i _did_ own it. i probably already said this, but again won't hurt: i don't own gravitation, eiri, mika, tatsuha, tohma or their dad. i do own their mother, because she isn't in the manga. a-hahaHA! sorry. please review and come back next time! --chelsea 


	15. Chapter 15

yay! next chapter! and as i have said (repeatedly) i know that the whole ny arch is screwed up. please don't whine at me about it. i will ignore you. thank you to every one that's reviewed so far! and i don't own anyone in gravitation. only my original characters (which you are about to meet in this chapter). --chelsea

* * *

The summer passed, and by the end I had seen the entire city about twice. Tohma wouldn't let me go alone, but we had gone out every day, rain or shine. I had heard so much English, and practiced with Tohma, that I could speak semi-fluently. One day in August, Tohma took me to the subway. 

We had gone before, but he told me to pay particular attention to the stop we took. I did; it was the fourth. He led me back to the street and down half a block. There was a large building that anyone could identify as a school. I groaned.

"Oh Tohma," I sighed. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," he said. We went into the building and found the principal's office. Tohma registered me to begin the eighth grade one week from then. I pouted in the corner for a short while, but soon found fun in muttering Japanese under my breath. The secretary kept glancing at me, and I smirked, certain she couldn't understand me; if she could even hear me. I started getting gutsy and swore _very_ quietly. Tohma didn't hear. I said it again, a little louder, and the secretary stared at me a moment.

"What?" she whispered to me. I repeated myself, and Tohma turned around.

"Eiri!" he said. My face drained. I'd forgotten he was standing there.

"uh… I'm sorry?" I tried. He looked at me another moment, then turned back to the principal. I didn't say anything else until we were back on the train.

"Eiri, that was very rude," Tohma said.

"I know. I'm sorry," I muttered, looking at the floor. I was sorry; and not just because I'd been caught. I rarely swore near adults. The only other time I had was at my Mother before the police had taken her away.

"I'm disappointed that you would say something like that there." I hung my head lower.

"I'm sorry." We reached our stop and headed back to the apartment.

"I'm willing to forgive you though," he said as we rode he elevator up.

"Really?" I asked, looking away from the ground for the first time since we'd left the school.

"Yes," he said, his smile on his lips. He let us into the apartment and put his arm around my shoulder. "Just don't do it again."

"Alright," I said, unconvincingly.

"At least not to a teacher," he begged me.

"Okay, Tohma-san."

That night I lay in bed unable to sleep. I got up and walked into the living room. Tohma was in the kitchen getting a glass of milk. I walked out and he glanced at me before putting the milk away. "What's wrong Eiri?" he asked. I couldn't answer, because I didn't really know. I just felt like I had to do something before bed. But whatever it was wouldn't come to my mind. So I shrugged. His smile broadened and he let me stay up with him for a little while.

As we watched a talk-show, and two o'clock was rounding, it came to me. Tohma was trying not to fall asleep, and I knew I was keeping him up later than usual. I turned towards him, and he sat up a little straighter. I turned back to the television, unsure, then turned back and gently pecked his cheek. "Thank you," I whispered. His face reddened for a moment, but then it went away. He smiled and said, "You're welcome."

I stood up and said goodnight, and he turned the T.V. off. "Goodnight, Eiri," he said, relief thick in his voice.

The night before school started was open house. I went with Tohma and first we got my schedule. Then I dragged him around the entire school, going in the order of my classes. He wasn't overly thrilled, but didn't complain. Between each one I went back to my locker and opened it.

As we stepped into my final core period, English, I was in the middle of an uncontrollable giggle fit because I'd accidentally hit Tohma with the door of my locker. Tohma was nursing the small bump on his head when a girl with dark brown hair walked over.

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Della, but you can call me Dee. Everyone does. What's your name?" I struggled to stop laughing, and managed to choke out my first name.

"Eddy?" she asked. I shook my head, realizing that my accent would mess it up in English.

"Eiri," I said, annunciating the 'r'.

"Oh! You're new aren't you?" she said. I nodded. "Great! I can show you around. Lemme see your schedule," she said, taking it from me. Now Tohma was laughing. She compared our classes and saw that we had four classes together. "Math, History, English, and Gym. Awesome! Plus there's lunch. Stick with me, and you'll be okay," she promised, giving me back my schedule. "That's my mom over there," she told me, pointing her out. "Our Dad passed away a few years ago. My sisters, Willow and Delilah, are looking around by themselves. We're triplets, and do a lot of stuff together. Do you have any siblings Eiri?" I nodded, but she went on before I could say anything. "Is your mom with them?"

"No," I started.

"Oh. Are they too young for school?"

"No. Mika's-"

"Do you have a brother or sister?"

"Both. Mika and Tatsuha," I said. "But neither of them-" This time Dee didn't interrupt me. It was her mother.

"Well sweetheart, we should be going, or the girls are going to start wondering where we are."

"I'm talking to Eiri, Mom!" she protested.

"Oh," her mother answered. She eyed Tohma up and down, but he didn't notice, still trying to stop laughing at this girl who wouldn't let me get four words out.

"I'm Sarah Dain," she said, brushing back blonde hair with one hand and holding the other out to Tohma. Tohma took it.

"Tohma Seguchi," he said. "Pleased to meet you."

I turned away from the adults, trying to decide whether to gag or punch Tohma. I didn't really think Tohma realized she was hitting on him, but I couldn't really trust my gut.

"You were saying, before she came over?" Dee prompted.

"Right," I said. "Mika's out of school and getting married soon and Tatsuha's in the second grade. But they're both at home in Japan."

"Oh. So is he staying with your sister?"

"No. She's staying with him and Father." She looked at me, puzzled for a moment, and then it cleared itself.

"O-oh. So he's like…your _other_ dad?" she asked, referring to Tohma.

"No!" I said, Tohma shooting a glance at us. "No. Tohma-san is Mika's fiancé. I'm just staying with him for a while."

"Why?"

"Personal matters," I said. She looked like she wanted to know more, but actually didn't press the issue. I was glad. Then two girls about Dee's size came in, black hair billowing around one. Telltale roots were growing, showing that she was naturally the same chocolate shade as Dee. She was wearing dark clothes and had black makeup on her eyes. The other's hair was a dark red with blonde highlights. All three of their faces were a gentle oval shape and their lips were cherry colored.

"Here you are," said the dark one.

"Hey, Delilah," Dee said. "This is Eiri. He's new in our class."

"Great. Who's Mom flirting with?" the other asked.

"His sister's fiancé."

"Perfect," she said.

"Mom!" Delilah said. "It's time to go!"

"One minute honey," their mother answered. Delilah turned to me.

"So where're your parents?" she asked.

"Father's at home with my siblings and Mother is…" I paused, counting out her sentence mentally. "Well, I'm not sure where she is."

"Why are you whistling your 's's'?"

"Willow, he's from Japan. Right?" Dee said. I nodded again.

"Yeah. But I'm missing a tooth," I said, showing them the hole. Tohma had taken me to a dentist, but she had actually knocked out my last baby tooth, so I had to wait for the adult one to grow in. I would be whistling until Christmas. Finally, Tohma ended the conversation with Mrs. Dain, and they left, the girls saying goodbye, and I waved shyly.

Tohma and I talked to the teacher, and she seemed nice enough. I didn't say much; I was shy around the teachers.

That night I laid out my clothes for the next morning and kissed Tohma's cheek goodnight. I'd done so every night since the first time because it just fit the flow.

In the morning I showered and ate the breakfast Tohma made me. I grabbed my book bag and raced to the subway, barely making it on time. I managed to make it to my first period class as the final bell rang.---

* * *

oh god, i hate his teachers... just wait. math is... well, it's bad. anyway, please review! i really appretiate it! keep in mind the whistling thing- it's kinda important. stupid, fucking mignion... ehehe... sorry. the triplets are kind of annoying to me, but it's okay. willow's my favorite! please review, and i'll try to update soon! --chelsea 


	16. Chapter 16

yay! chapter sixteen! and school begins... shit. i feel really awful, and so you know, all the teachers (i think) are from my middle school. i switched some of their classes, and teachers from the 6th, 7th and 8th are here. but whatever. mignion is not really this evil, but i love over-exaggerating his evil-ness. my sister and i did reffer to him as like the kids do later, though. anyway, you'll see just how crazy this version of him is later. --chelsea

* * *

Dee called me over and I sat beside her as our Math teacher took roll. He mispronounced my name, but I was too shy to correct him. He just had that air of someone you don't want to mess with. He sat us alphabetically, and I had boys on either side of me.

The teacher, Mr. Mignion, was clearly a jock. He was the football coach and talked to us about it for half the class. I was _so_ bored. The second half he went over rules.

"When addressed as a class, you will answer as a class. If I ask one person, no one else will answer. There will be no making fun of Math in here. You can joke about other classes, as long as it doesn't disrupt the class. You will answer all questions clearly and articulately. There will be no clock watching and no back talking. I expect no rude or otherwise sounds other than speaking when spoken to. Breaking _any_ of these rules will result in an immediate detention. If you answer a question incorrectly, you will do pushups the remainder of the class. Every morning we will say the pledge, taking turns leading us." He glanced at the clock, his dark eyes reading the time easily. He ran a hand through his black hair. "We have about five minutes left, so let's say the pledge now. We'll start with the end of the alphabet, with Mr. Walker. Would you please start?"

The boy on my right stood, and the rest of us followed. I had no clue what was going on, but put my hand as the other's had and faced the general direction of everyone else. "I pledge allegiance," Walker said, before everyone else joined, "to the flag of the United States of America." Now I knew where to look: at the flag. I didn't know the words, so I just moved my lips, trying to catch it all. "Justice for all," they ended, and we all sat back down.

"Good," Mr. Mignion said, smiling. "I think this will be a good class. Let's do some simple problems, shall we?" We all answered with a groan that became a "Yes!" "Good. Mr. Uesugi," he said, still slaughtering it. He completely skipped the 'e' and made the 'g' soft. "Five plus two." When I didn't answer immediately, he looked at me, puzzled.

I was still learning the numbers and was a little nervous. I knew them better than I showed that morning, but I couldn't get my mind to work right. I was counting on my fingers and found two quickly enough, but five was harder. "One, two, three, four, six, seven… Wait," I was muttering under my breath. "I skipped something. One, two, three, four, _five_!" I looked at my five fingers and held up two beside them. I had to count them three times before I was thought I'd found the right answer. "S-seven?" I said, still whistling. The class giggled quietly.

"What was that?"

"Seven."

"Are you whistling, Mr. Uesugi?"

"No. Not purposefully," I said.

"Why are you whistling?"

"A t-tooth is missing." I was suddenly terrified that I would get a detention on the first day of school.

"I won't give you a detention today, but if you ever whistle in here again, I'll have to. Understand?" I nodded. "What was that?"

"Yes," I quivered. Just then the bell rang, and we walked out. I managed to get to my Science class and didn't see anyone I recognized. I sat down in the back corner by myself, in hopes of not bringing attention to myself. The teacher came in after the bell rang, and immediately told those of us hanging back to move forward. Instantly all eyes were on the three of us. There was another boy and a girl hiding back near where I was, and we all quickly moved up, wanting to end the staring.

She called roll as she sat us down. I ended up being the last one in the room, sitting next to the girl that had been hiding, Beth Turner. Her brother, Arron, was on her other side. The teacher introduced herself and said her name was Barbara Taft, but we could call her Mrs. Taft. Everyone called her Barbie though. Then she went around the room making us each introduce ourselves and the person after us could ask one question.

We all went around, and I just asked the first stupid question that came to my mind when it was my turn to ask. Something about favorite colors or pets. I was more relaxed here and could actually use my hard learned English. When Beth was done I stood.

"Um, my name is Eiri Uesugi," I said, my accent hard on the name. "It's spelled: E- I- R- I. I moved to New York last May from Japan. I'm fourteen and I write stories in my spare time."

Barbie looked at me a moment, then asked, "Why did you move?" I think she was just trying to ask something everyone might want to know, and maybe just make some semi-conversation material, but I wasn't prepared to answer that.

"Um…" I stood a minute, stammering. I suddenly didn't know whether to tell, or brush it away. Finally I managed to answer. "There were some, uh, family issues going on, so I'm staying with my brother-in-law-to-be until it all cools off." I sat down, and she went over the rules. Classic ones, you know. "No yelling, no running, no throwing stuff. Homework in on time. Blah, blah, blah." When class was over, I went to my locker. While I was there, a girl walked over.

"Hi Eiri," she said. I stared at her blankly, unable to come up with her name. "Mackenzie," she reminded me. "We're in Science together."

"Right. Hi Mackenzie. What's up?"

She giggled. I hated girls so much. Giggling always drove me nuts. And this was painfully reminding me of the girls I'd left behind in Japan. "What's your next class?" she asked. I checked.

"History with Mrs. Ernst," I answered.

"Oh. I've got Math. Well, maybe I'll see you later!"

"Maybe," I said as we walked our separate ways, her blonde hair bouncing as she left. "Ditz," I muttered in my native tongue, walking to my own class.

This class was basically the same as Science. Intros and rules. She was pretty nice too, but older. She let us sit where we wanted, and I sat with Dee right behind me, Delilah to my left and Willow on my right. I couldn't believe we _all_ had the same class. Even the girls thought it was weird. It was the only one they all had together and Dee and Delilah only had Science together other than History. Reading and English followed, much to the same rhythm as second and third period. Then it was lunch. I sat with Dee and her sisters, and they told me about the other kids in our class. When we were done there, I went to Industrial Arts. The teacher there said his name was Mr. Robertson. I didn't really have any interest in that class at all, but I decided to give it a couple of days.

Gym was my seventh and final class. Mrs. Pike was the teacher, and she lined us up on the floor in five rows of four or five. The rules were fast, and then we were up and playing. We all talked and joked with her, and it was really relaxing in the gym. When the bell rang, we all headed for the doors.

"Eiri!" Willow called, catching up. "Hey, can I walk with you?"

"Sure. Where're Dee and Delilah?"

"Oh, Delilah got detention for smart mouthing Mr. Mignion and Della's trying out for Drama club."

"Okay," I said. "Where do you guys live?"

"Fourth and Broadway. Right on the corner."

"Cool. I think I passed there on my way to the subway this morning."

"Great!" We walked down to the subway chattering nonstop, and we got off together. I stopped at her house, and she invited me in.

"I can't," I said. "I've got to get home or Tohma-san will worry."

"Alright. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Or maybe in the morning on the way."

"Bye!" I called, walking down the side walk. It was another two blocks to get back to Tohma's apartment, and I was supposed to be home by three-thirty.---

* * *

well, we'll see what happens when he comes home late... hehehe... i laugh because i know, and you don't. anyway, i thought you'd like to know some of the teachers' names, and the grade they actually teach. and their actual subject.

mignion- 7th; math (he was the football coach, and he was quite a prick, just not as bad as in here.)

taft- 7th; science (we didn't really call her barbie, but i thought it would be fun.)

earnst- 8th; history (she was so awesome, and she was older. she retired right after us. i still feel bad for my sis and her classmates not having her. mrs. taft switched to teach that instead!)

robertson- 6th; art (he teaches 6-12, but i only had him in 6. he really teaches art, but i couldn't remember the shop teacher's name, so whatever.)

pike- 6-8th; gym (she taught 6-8, but now she's retired. i had her all three years, and she was one of my favorite teachers in middle school.)

i'll explain the others when you meet them. they're mostly pretty cool, so i hope you like them. except mignion. you'll see. --chelsea


	17. Chapter 17

new chappy! yay! i am sorry if i take too long updating, but here you go... --chelsea

* * *

I walked in the apartment to find it empty that afternoon. "Tohma-san?" I called. But he didn't answer. I found a note saying he was meeting with someone that afternoon, but he would be home for dinner. I smiled and searched the fridge for a snack. He came home a few hours later, as I was trying to do my homework, complete with pizza. I looked up and smiled, seeing the box. I threw down my copy of Old Yeller, and ran to the kitchen. I pulled down plates and grabbed cups and he laughed as he got out the Coke.

"Somebody's hungry," he said. I just nodded. He said a fast grace and we ate. "So how was your first day?"

"It was okay," I said. "My Math teacher's a jerk, but I can't fix that." I didn't go into the adding problem I'd had, knowing it was just because I'd been nervous. "The rest were pretty cool though."

"That's good. Did you get any homework?"

"Um, we were given books for Reading, but we only have to read the first chapter. In English we've got to write about what we did for the summer."

"Okay. If you need any help, I'm always here," he said. We ate silently for a few minutes, and then I asked what he'd done without me. "Not much. I was visiting a friend I haven't seen in about a year, but that was about it." When we finished eating, I went back to the book.

I was still on the first page, the first paragraph really, and I still couldn't understand it. I struggled through reading the page four times before giving up. I couldn't figure out what the words were. I set the book aside and started my English paper. I'd written the heading, "My Summer Vacation", on the paper during class, when it was up on the board. But if she hadn't read it off, I wouldn't have had a clue what I was supposed to do. I stared at the paper blankly, and sighed. I knew what to write, I just didn't know how to make it be English. I gathered them up and walked to the living room.

"Tohma-san," I said. He turned away from the news to look at me.

"What is it, Eiri?"

"I need help," I whispered, ashamed that I couldn't do this for myself. He turned off the TV and told me to sit.

"What are we doing?" he asked. I produced the book. "Old Yeller, huh? What's the problem?"

"I can't read it," I said plainly.

"Of course. Well, let's see if _we_ can." We sat there and I read it aloud. It was easier to understand that way, but some of the bigger words I didn't know. And I pronounced some incorrectly. He had to help me then. When we'd finished the first chapter it was nearly nine o'clock. "Anything else?" he asked. I nodded.

"My essay."

"Okay. You read the book by sounding out the letters, so write the words the same way." I thought I understood, and sat at the table. I said the words as I wrote them, and was done by eleven. Tohma read it, and I could tell there were major mistakes by the look on his face. "Well, it's written nicely, you just have a lot of spelling errors." He helped me correct them, having me look up the words in a dictionary as I had the words I didn't know when we were reading. All in all, we were in bed by midnight.

I slept uneasily and again almost missed the train. Willow, Delilah and Dee were in the car I rushed into moments before the doors closed, and I stood with them, talking. We went into the school together, and then we each raced off for our different classes. Mr. Mignion took roll, then called on me to start us off with the pledge. I had completely forgotten about it, and I couldn't remember a single word. I sat staring at him for a moment, before standing and putting my hand over my heart as we had the day before. My mind was reeling, searching for the words. Just the words Walker had said before everyone joined. I glanced at Dee, and she lipped at me the line. A small smile of recognition crossed my face, and I said it, whistling the "c" in "allegiance", then just lipped the rest of the way through. We sat, and Mr. Mignion placed a piece of paper on my desk.

"I told you not to whistle," he said, going back to the front of the room. I read the time on it and tucked it away as he started the class. When he called my name to answer a question, I thought for a long moment, trying to remember the English number, but it wouldn't come to me. I kicked myself after giving the wrong answer, before I started my pushups. I knew the numbers, but every time I walked into his room, they flew out of my head.

At the end of the period, I walked out, Dee right beside me. "I can't believe he did that! He's such an ass. No, he's _Devil's Spawn_, you know that?" I nodded in agreement. "DS. That's who he is from now on. I'll see you later, Eiri," she said, going to her own class.

Barbie handed out our textbooks and had us read out loud around the room. When it came to me, I did as Tohma and I had the night before, carefully sounding out the words until I understood them. The harder ones she said for me, and I only read one paragraph, while the others were reading two. I was embarrassed, but proud of myself for having gotten through it and she only had to tell me three words. On my way out, she stopped me.

"Eiri, do you have difficulty reading in your other classes?" she asked me. I looked at the ground and nodded. I glanced up as she smiled. "Alright. Go ahead, before you're late." I bowed reflexively, and took off for History. Mrs. Ernst was different. We didn't read from our books, but took the notes she had already written out on the overhead. I copied it all down, listening carefully because the words were telling me nothing. I would have to read them later. Tohma had done some reading with me over the summer, but only enough to teach me the letters and their basic sounds.

On my way out of the classroom, Delilah handed me a note. I looked at her, and she said, "Don't get caught reading it during class." I nodded. I walked into Mr. Nessler's classroom and sat down. I opened the piece of paper and looked at what she'd written. The only thing I recognized was my name at the top and several times it said "DS", which must have been referring to Mr. Mignion. Dee must have told them. I would have tried to read it, but it was all in short hand, so I just folded it and put it in place of my book mark in Old Yeller.

"The bell has rung," Mr. Nessler said. "Everyone get your books out. Who would like to recap the chapter for us?" No one offered. "Alright then, buckaroos. Eiri, honey, why don't you?" I went red in the face for two reasons. One, he'd called me honey. The only person I could ever remember calling me that right then was Mika. Two, he'd called on me to recap the chapter. I cleared my throat and did it as best I could, and he thanked me. "Okay, let's start the second chapter. Who'd like to start?" A few girls rose their hands tenderly. "Alright sweetie. Alexa, you go." She started, and I followed carefully, understanding it better when it was read to me than when I read it myself. Suddenly someone picked me to read and, even though I had been following along, I lost the place. It took me several minutes to find it again, because I didn't know what the word I last remembered looked like. The girl beside me, Meghan, had to reach over and point to it. "Thank you," I muttered. I started reading in my choppy way, and he let me call on someone after two paragraphs. I felt utterly humiliated for the second time that day.

Mr. Nessler watched me walk out, but said nothing to me. I walked into English and sat down by Dee. Mrs. Juby didn't care where we sat at all. I handed her the note Delilah had given me. "I don't understand it," I said. She told me the basic gist of it; Delilah was appalled at what DS had done. She said not to go to the detention, but I didn't want another for not going.

Mrs. Juby told us to hush, class was starting. She made us read our essays to the class, and I had to go first. Yay. I looked at the paper in front of me and just watched it as I recited what I'd written. It was easier than trying to read it; I'd already embarrassed myself enough times that way for one day.

"This summer, I had the most fun I can remember. Tohma, my sister's fiancé, brought me to New York and took me out everyday. I saw the subway, central park, every bookstore in the city, and the Bronx Zoo. I learned English, and found a place I feel I fit. I never want to leave." It went on, and I handed it in when I was done as everyone clapped. I felt proud again, and smiled as I sat down. Afterwards, it was time for lunch. The rest of the day went smoothly, and I reported to my detention as told, accompanied by Delilah who'd mouthed off again.

"I'm gonna _make_ him give me a detention every day," she said as if it were a good thing. "If you'd have skipped, I'd have gone with you." I just shook my head. We sat through the period, doing worksheets. These I could do easy enough. Math was the only class I'd done any good in back home, so I was done with half the detention to go. I sat, silently watching DS. He looked up and spat at me to get back to work.

"I'm done," I said.

"What?" he exclaimed. "You can't be. I've watched you struggle with the simplest questions. Let me see that!" He grabbed them from me and quickly glanced it over. There were no mistakes at all. His face turned bright purple. He handed me four more papers. "Be done in thirty minutes." I stared at him, then started them. When he dismissed us, I handed him the papers, all completed, with no more mistakes than the others, and she gave him her two.

We rode the train together, and talked some. I didn't really know her as well as Dee. Delilah and I only had one class together, and Dee and I had four. I found out Delilah and I liked a band in common, and she knew some Japanese. Swears mostly, but that was alright. I taught her "baka", which means "idiot", and she taught me some English swears I, somehow, hadn't yet picked up. I left her at her house and headed home, wondering if Tohma would be there or not. He was.

"Eiri!" he exclaimed as I came in. "Where have you been? You should have been back an hour ago." He looked like he couldn't decide whether to hit me or hug me, but he just pulled me to him for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Tohma-san. I got a detention from-"

"A detention? Eiri, on the second day," he said, sounding disappointed.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "It was from Mr. Mignion, my Math teacher."

"What was it for, Eiri?" I looked up at him.

"I was… I whistled in class," I said, feeling like I shouldn't have, when I couldn't prevent it. He looked at me quizzically.

"Whistling?" I nodded. Tohma sighed. "Alright. Go do your homework, okay?"

"Okay." I grabbed a dictionary and got through the fourth chapter Old Yeller, even though we only had to read the third, and finished the chapter we'd been reading in Science before dinner was ready. I think as punishment for the detention he made me eat vegetables, but I did it without complaint, guilt wafting over me under Tohma's eyes. Afterwards, I went back and read through my History notes. I fell asleep working on Underneath, and woke up under my covers the next morning. Tohma must have tucked me in.---

* * *

okay, so that's that chapter. uh... teachers...

nessler - 7th; english (he really said stuff like that... it was a little disturbing)

juby - 7th; reading (i never had her, i was advanced so yeah... you'll meet HER later... sorta. oh, and juby is pronounced 'joo-bye', the y is a long i)

was that it? yeah... we do call mingion ds though. yeah. and meghan is a friend of mine.

i really hope you're reading this meg! --chelsea


	18. Chapter 18

yay, next chapter! and, i guess i gotta point out... i was wrong. my sister and i don't call mignion ds. the devil is _his_ spawn. oops! nm;; anyways, here we go! this chapter has the one time i ever really kinda like tohma. because, in reality, i hate him pretty badly. --chelsea

* * *

I left the apartment that morning after giving Tohma a peck on the cheek. "You didn't get it last night," I said when he looked at me from his jellied toast. I grabbed a couple pieces saying I didn't have time to sit down, and ran out the door, leaving Old Yeller on the counter instead of stuffing it into my book bag.

At school I got another detention for whistling on the number six, and pushups because the answer was six and a half. Just before fourth period I realized I'd forgotten my book. I raced down to the office to see if Tohma had brought it in. He hadn't. Halfway back up to class, the bell rang. "Damn it!" I muttered. I walked in two minutes late and bookless.

"Mr. Uesugi, so glad you could join us," Mr. Nessler said. "Why were you late?"

"I was in the office," I said.

"Alright. Take out your book. We're reading the fourth chapter. Why don't you start us?" I sat down, and, red faced, said that I didn't have mine. "Where is it?"

"At home," I muttered.

"Why?"

"I forgot to get it," I said, looking at my desk.

"Well, get one off the shelf. But next time it will be a detention."

"Yes sir," I said, getting the book. I started it, reading easier since I already had once. Mr. Nessler seemed to be pleased, but at the end of the day I had a load of homework. I stayed my detention and rode home with Dee and Delilah. Dee had stayed after for the Drama club. I walked in the door, late again, but Tohma wasn't home. There was a note, and I sat down to start my homework. I found the book where I'd left it, and put it in my bag. I did my Science first, and was just finishing it as Tohma came in.

He touched a hand to my head and asked how school had been. "It was okay," I said, not mentioning the detention. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt me.

"That's good." It was Friday, so I packed my stuff away and Tohma and I went out to get dinner. The weekend went on, and I managed to struggle through my homework. Tohma looked it over, and said I needed to work on my handwriting. I wasn't used to using letters. I liked kana better.

Monday morning came, and I went down to the subway, making sure I had all my things. I, once again, got pushups from Mr. Mignion for a wrong answer. He had deliberately given me a question that would force me to say an s, so I got it wrong on purpose. At least that way I didn't get a detention again.

In Reading, we were taking a test over chapters 1-8. I stared at the paper, reading the first question over and over in my head. I started to sound it out quietly, but Mr. Nessler called out, "No talking!"

I looked at the words, melding together as tears formed in my eyes. I wiped them away several times, but they kept returning. When the bell rang, I handed in a blank paper. Two days later, he passed them back, except mine.

"I want to see you after class, hun," he told me. At the end, I went to his desk. "Eiri," he sighed, "I'm worried about you." He handed me my test, nothing on it but my name and a 0. "What was wrong? Didn't you read the book? You should have known this one," he said, pointing to the first question. I still couldn't read it. "I want you to answer this. Please." I slowly began sounding it out. After reading it aloud twice, I realized what it was asking.

"O-Old Yeller," I said. "The book is Old Yeller." Students were coming in and looking at me curiously.

"Eiri," he said, scribbling a note, "give this to your father, alright?" I nodded, not bothering to tell him Tohma wasn't my dad. "And have him sign the test."

"Okay." He gave me a pass, and I gave it to Mrs. Juby when I walked in, two minutes after the bell rang. At the end of the day, I reported back to Mr. Mignion's room for another detention for whistling, feeling awful already because I'd had to read from our English books. I got home and found Tohma stretched out on the couch, the TV on. I switched it off and went to my bedroom to start my homework.

An hour or two later, he came in, assuming I was home when he woke with the TV off. "Hey," he whispered. I turned around from my desk.

"Hey, Tohma-san."

"Where were you?" he asked me quietly. I thought about lying, but Tohma's eyes seemed to be looking straight through me; like he already knew.

"I had detention again," I said.

"What for?"

"Whistling," I muttered.

Tohma sighed disappointedly. "Eiri, this is the second time. You've got to-"

"It's the third," I murmured.

"What?"

"The third. The second was on Friday. I'm sorry Tohma-san," I said, feeling horrible.

"Eiri, why do you keep doing it?"

"I can't stop!" I cried, wanting to throw myself onto my bed. "It's the s's, and the c's, and everything else that sounds like that!" He stared at me a moment.

"He's giving you detentions because of the tooth?" I nodded. "Alright. I'm sorry. If he gives you any more, don't go. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'll make dinner, okay?" He gave me a hug, and left the room. I pulled out the note from Mr. Nessler and carefully read it. I got out the test and set them aside, then finished my homework. When Tohma called me to dinner, I put down the chapter of Underneath I'd been working on and grabbed the note and test.

I sat down at the table, leaving the papers on the counter while we ate. When we were done, I handed him the note. He read it quietly and asked for the test. I gave it to him. "Oh, Eiri," he breathed.

"I couldn't read it, Tohma-san," I insisted.

"I know," he said, scribbling his name. "I know."

The next morning, I went to school as gray clouds moved in, indicating a storm. By the end of first period, it was in full swing. I glanced out the window at all the people running around outside, and smiled weakly. We were doing worksheets in second period, when Mr. Nessler walked in. He asked Barbie to come with him, and she left my side, asking Beth to help me. She read me a question, and we worked together to figure out the answer. We were almost done with the paper when the bell rang. I thanked her, smiling sheepishly. Ms. Foor, a seventh grade teacher, had come in to supervise the class. Barbie still wasn't back when we left.

In History, Willow was talking to her sisters about her last class. "Mrs. Taft came in with Mr. Nessler right behind her and said, 'Jay? Can we pull you away for a bit?' It was so strange. He set us doing math exercises, and left. He still wasn't back yet."

"Yeah. Mr. Nessler was being really antsy," Dee said. "Finally, he got up and walked out of the room. Mr. Sprow, from across the hall, came in to watch us."

I thought about mentioning Ms. Foor, but didn't want to interrupt their conversation. Delilah said even Mrs. Juby had gone out, grabbed by Barbie. We were all very confused, but brushed it off as the class began. Mrs. Ernst didn't walk in, but it was the vice principal, Mr. Friess.

"Hi kids," he said, sounding flustered. "I'm sure you've noticed that almost all of your teachers have flittered off to a meeting." Four hands shot into the air, one of them Delilah's. "No, I can't tell you what it's about. I don't _know_. A parent was called in, it's very complicated… Please don't ask me any questions!" he begged. The hands went down. "The principal and your teachers are trying to figure _some_thing out. I don't know what. I'm just here to be sure you don't all go nuts. Take out something to do quietly. It's a free day." We cheered, and everyone started talking at once. "I said quietly." We stopped talking.

Delilah took out a piece of paper and wrote on it, passing it to Dee. She read it and laughed, writing more on before giving it to Willow. She took longer, but smiled and added something short, then handed it to me. I looked at it, but didn't understand the short hand. I glanced at Willow, and her face changed, seeing something I thought I'd hidden deep under my eyes. She leaned over and helped me read through it. At the end, I understood several of the short hands. I smiled weakly and wrote a small message on it, then gave it back to Delilah. She sighed.

Turning the paper over, she wrote something down and gave it to Dee. She returned with a response and Delilah groaned. She crumpled that paper and the four of us wrote messages until there was a tap on my shoulder. I looked up at Mr. Friess, who nodded towards the door. There was Tohma. I stood up and grabbed my stuff. "Bye," I muttered to the girls and went out to him.

"Tohma-san, what are you doing here?" I asked quietly.

"Come with me," he said, just as quietly. He led me down to the principal's office, but didn't answer after I had repeated the question twice. I was ushered in, my History book and notebook still in my arms. All my core-class teachers, except for Mr. Mignion, were there, plus one I didn't know. Tohma sat me down in a chair, and I glanced around for a second, confused.

"What's going on?" I asked timidly. The principal smiled. He pushed the school's newsletter across his desk to me.

"Eiri, would you read that?" he asked. I swallowed, realizing what this was about. I was suddenly scared that I would be put in a lower grade or thrown out because I couldn't read. I set my things on the floor and pulled the paper to me. I slowly went painstakingly through each line, repeating several so I could understand it, until the entire paper, front and back, was read. I glanced up at Tohma who smiled down at me. I looked back at the principal, who was quietly conversing with the teachers. When lunch came they were still making final deliberations, and let me go eat. I sat down next to Willow, and they each looked at me.

"Where'd you go?" Dee asked.

"The office," I muttered.

"Seriously?" Delilah asked.

"Seriously," I said, half mocking.

"What did they want?" Willow asked me quietly. I just shrugged.

"They're still talking," I said, lifting food to my mouth. "Probably about how dumb I am," I added through the sandwich. Neither Dee or Delilah caught it, but Willow did.

"Eiri, you aren't dumb," she said. "You're smarter than me,"

"Yeah," Delilah agreed, "but that ain't saying much is it?" That remark upset me, but I ignored it since Willow did. I wanted to argue about it, but didn't have the energy left in me. During Industrial Arts I paid very little attention, having decided that it was the most boring class I'd ever had. I didn't play very well in Gym, and when school was over I went back to find Tohma.

He was still in the office with the teachers. I tugged his sleeve and he looked at me. I handed him the detention notice I'd gotten from Mr. Mignion for whistling, and he nodded. "Give me a few more minutes here, okay?" I nodded, and finally the teachers stopped their petty arguments.

"Okay," Mr. Grime, the principal, said. "I think we've got it worked out. Eiri, we're going to put you into Mr. LeFevre's History, Reading and English classes, okay?" I nodded numbly, still unsure what was going on. "You'll go to your first and second periods as always, but then go to his class until lunch. Understand?" I nodded again. "Good." He began writing out my new schedule, and I watched as his hand moved smoothly along the paper. Suddenly I thought, _If I can change those, can't I change Shop?_

I cautiously asked him, and after a moment, he said I could. Happily, I requested Choir instead. He wrote it down and said he would let the teachers know. Tohma and I both thanked them, and then we went up to Mr. Mignion's. Delilah was there, as always, working hard at the worksheets. I walked in first, and he started to bite my head off for being late. He cut himself off, handing me papers, as Tohma cleared his throat.

"Oh. Mr. Se…Se-" he started, unable to remember his name.

"Let's skip the pleasantries, shall we?" Tohma said. "It's Mignion, yes?"

"Yes."

"Well, little Eiri here tells me you're giving him detentions for… Whistling, was it?"

"Y-yes," Mr. Mignion said, uncomfortable under the gaze Tohma was using. Even then, when he had no real power, Tohma could make you _think_ he did when he needed it.

"He told me it was the whistling caused by his missing tooth, and that he informed you of this," Tohma said, his voice low, nearly a whisper.

"Y-yes," he repeated.

"Let me tell you something, Mr. Mignion," Tohma spat. "Eiri lost that tooth being ex_tremely_ brave." I blushed slightly. In retrospect, I hadn't found it brave, but more of stupid. The bandage had only come off in June, and the tooth was still gone. "If you _ever_ abuse your power over him again, I will take your job from underneath you," he growled. "Understand?" Mr. Mignion nodded. "He will not be attending your detention today," Tohma said, putting his arm around me and starting out the door. I threw a final glance at him, and he was glowering after us. I knew this wasn't over.---

* * *

YAY TOHMA!! OVERLORD OF THE UNIVERSE!! that's probably the only time i'll ever cheer for him... so, to the teachers:

foor - 6-8th; reading (she was mine 7th and 8th grade, the advanced kids. kinda crazy...)

friess - (um... i'm not sure which one i meant. one's the high school assistant principal, and his son is the math teacher for 9-12th. either way, he's WAY OOC. oops...)

grime - (old high school principal, but now the... i don't know what. yeah...)

lefevre - 6th; math/history (he was my first teacher after ...three?... years of home school. i really liked him.)

i think that's it! there's one more to come, the choir teacher, so please come back for the next chapter!! review, pretty please! --chelsea


	19. Chapter 19

thanks to everybody who's reviewed! it's really inspiring to see! hope you... uh, like this chapter, i guess... or hate it? eh, mingion's STILL a bastard, so not much to celebrate there... --chelsea

* * *

"Tohma?" I whispered.

"What?" he whispered back, humoring me. We were in the apartment, sitting on his couch, only inches from one another.

"Did you talk to Mr., um, LeFevre, right?"

He smiled. "Yes, it's Mr. LeFevre, and yes I talked to him."

"Is he nice?"

"Yes. He's a thousand times nicer than Mr. Mignion, and a billion times better than your mother." I didn't like the implication that my mother was a bad person, even though I knew she was.

"Okay," I yawned. We were in our pajamas and had just finished a movie. I should have been going to bed, but didn't want to move. I kissed his cheek like I was on my way, but didn't move. I curled up closer, and the two of us fell asleep there, wrapped up against each other. He was so good to me.

The next morning I found out how great Mr. LeFevre really was. First of all, he didn't make me stand and give a speech about myself. All he did was say my name and point at me. "Meet him, people," he instructed, and then went on with the History lesson. I didn't know anyone in the class, but we were starting much farther back than Mrs. Ernst. That was good, because I knew zero American History. There were only six of us in this class, so we all got personal time with him. He started me with seventh grade work. I know this because I was using a seventh grade book. I actually managed to get through the whole thing by the end of the year. Once I could read, I raced right through it, catching up with the others quickly.

After that it was English. There were only four in here, including Willow. She smiled and sat beside me. "Hey," I said.

"Hey. So you're in here for History too?"

"Yeah. And Reading."

Her eyes lit up. "Great. Me too. I'm in here all day, except electives and History." I nodded, smiling. Mr. LeFevre introduced me again, then set the others to stuff they'd been doing. He helped them each get started, them came to me.

"Alright Eiri," he said. "Where are we?" I told him I could write very little and my hand writing sucked. He smiled. He started me out with the ABC's, writing each one ten times, capital and lower case. By the end, I was doing pretty well. In Reading I learned some basic stuff. I could tell that he wasn't used to working with someone as low as me, and I didn't like being a burden, but I couldn't go anywhere else.

After lunch I walked into the Choir room shyly. Willow instantly saw me and waved me over. "Are you joining us?" she asked. I nodded. "Oh goody! We've only got two boys in here now, but you'll do fine." She took me to the teacher, Mrs. Rayfield she said, and I was tested quickly. She had me sit with the other boy and just listen. It was fun, and I was looking forward to singing with the group. The other boy, Michael, told me he was a bass. The teacher had been going without any tenor and she was unhappy. We both crossed our fingers that I would be a bass so we would have someone else to back us up.

On Monday, Mr. Mignion gave us worksheets for homework to begin in class. They were all word problems and he wouldn't let me read them aloud. So he gave me a "warning" for not working, and that next time it would be a detention.

It didn't even cross my mind to mention it to Tohma. Well, maybe it did, but I didn't. I did the worksheet when I got home that day, and did some simple reading and writing exercises for Mr. LeFevre.

For the rest of the month, I had detentions with Mr. Mignion for not working almost everyday. I had wondered what Tohma would think, but he was being home right after school less and less often lately.

The first week in October, I had a test in every single one of my core classes. And three of them were with Mr. LeFevre. Monday's test was History. I did pretty well, and Mr. LeFevre helped me read through some of the questions. Tuesday was Science, and I felt confident as I left the classroom. Wednesday I took an English test. That one was harder, but I was sure I'd at least passed. Reading on Thursday was simple enough other than the actual reading of the questions. Then Friday dawned.

I had studied hard all week, but I woke up feeling ill. I tried to get out of going, but Tohma made me. Mr. Mignion passed out the tests, and I stared at mine. I had worked hard on numbers. Learning their spellings and sounds, but the symbols on this sheet were foreign to me. I didn't know what they meant.

He had written them all out, just like the last two tests we'd had, and the next one as well. And I couldn't answer a single one. I tried, but I knew I was going to fail. And miserably. At lunch everyone was complaining about it, so I felt a little better that I wasn't the only one to have trouble with it.

On Monday, the tests all came back. I'd passed every one with at least a "B", except for Math. I had a large "F" written across the paper in red ink. I had gotten one question correct of the three I'd answered. They were the only ones with numerals on the page, but they had each had different directions. I was, once again, feeling sick. I spent lunch in the restroom, seriously thinking I would vomit. But I didn't. So I went to Choir, where I was singing as a tenor.

The month dragged along slightly, and the quarter ended with grades being sent home. I came out to breakfast at about nine Saturday morning. Tohma was sitting at the table, looking over the mail. I sat down, and he handed me the letter he was reading. It was from Mika and I read it excitedly. She just said that they were getting along and hadn't seen anything of Mother. I looked back to Tohma, smiling, as I finished the letter. He was looking at something else, with an expression of mild concern. I watched him for a moment, nibbling at the toast on my plate. He put down the paper and looked at me. He slid it across the table to me. It was my grade card.

"Eiri," he said. I looked at it. Back home, the only thing on that wouldn't have been a "C" was Math, with an "A". Looking now, the "C" 's were "B" 's and Math was a "D". A low one, Mr. Mignion had been sure to point out. I swallowed. "Eiri, you're doing well. But why is your math suffering?" I shrugged, not wanting to get into the problem. "Can I see some papers? Or a test?"

I went and dug out what I had home. The first few homework sheets I handed Tohma were all "100" 's. "Well, these aren't so bad," he muttered. Then I gave him the papers we'd had to do in class. Those were "F" 's. "Eiri…" Then I gave him the four tests we'd taken, none with a grade higher than three percent. "Oh, Eiri. What happened?" he asked. I took a deep, shaking breath and told him everything that had happened for the last nine weeks.

When I was done, he pulled me into a hug, and promised to talk to the principal about Mr. Mignion.---

* * *

oh... that poor baby... yeah, we should all hate this chapter. dang. i forgot i made him a tenor. his week just... sucked pretty damn bad. and i forgot that mrs. rayfield was the teacher. so here's her info!:

rayfield - 9-12th; gym (i had her 9th and 10th, and she's okay. not my FAV, y'know, but cool in her own way.)

oh, i just thought... i shoulda used eagle somewhere. dangit! oh well... too late now.

thanks for reviews everybody! i haven't even finished reading them all, and i decided to put up the next chapter! please review, they make me happy!! --chelsea


	20. Chapter 20

grr... i hate mignion. but that's common knowledge now. well, here's chapter twenty! n.n... OoO TWENTY?!!? wow... we're almost done! this is just about the end, only two to go! oh, how sad... and STILL no mention of kitazawa. yet. just wait for it... i hope you hate, then love, then hate, and finally love this chapter! here it is! --chelsea

(p.s.: 'onegai' means 'please')

* * *

Sunday passed quietly, and Monday dawned with a looming feeling of doom as I entered Mr. Mignion's room. After saying the pledge, he gave us a pop quiz. I struggled through the week, getting an "F" on the quiz and the test we took the next day.

Wednesday, he passed the quizzes back, with our official grades on them. That quiz had hauled me from a low "D" to an "F". I nearly cried right there. I ran straight home, having a harder time wrestling the tears back once there was no one around. But I did. I burst through the door, unlocking it because it was always locked; we were in New York. I called Tohma's name, the quiz in my hand. He looked up at me from the couch, instantly noting my distress. He waved me over, telling whoever was on the phone he'd have to call them back. I dropped my bag and ran to him, throwing my arms around him. I didn't cry, but I'd thought I might. It was ridiculous, getting this upset over an "F".

He returned the hug, and when I calmed down a little, I handed him the paper, explaining what had happened. "Okay," he said, gently kissing my forehead. "I'll call the principal right now. Go do your homework, all right?"

I nodded and got my bag, going to my room. Two hours later, I could smell dinner cooking, and smiled. Twenty minutes after that, Tohma came in, saying it was ready, as I finished a chapter of Underneath. He'd made my favorite, and it made me feel a lot better.

Friday morning Mr. Mignion was passing back the tests from Tuesday, explaining that this had helped a lot of us, but hurt some just as much. He looked right at me as he said that. Just as he handed me my test, the principal came on the overhead speaker.

"Jon! Pick up your phone right _now!_" Mr. Mignion did, and they talked as I barely managed not to smile. He tried to deny something, and Mr. Grime started screaming at him. The teacher attempted to protest, but finally we all heard the principal scream, "You're fired! Pack up and get out! **_NOW!!!_**"

The entire class erupted in a fit of giggles. Mr. Mignion demanded to know why, and the principal gave an answer. After a heated argument, he began doing as told, very angrily. Just as he'd thrown the last of his personal belongings into a box, he turned around to look at us. There was only one minute left of class. He stared at us, and we stared at him until the bell rang. Everyone began scrambling around, gathering their own things, because none of us had picked up in the entire forty-five minutes.

I ended up spilling my pencil box, and had to grab it all, making me the last to leave. I walked as quickly as I could, feeling Mr. Mignion's eyes on me, filled with hate. As I passed him, he tripped me. I could hardly believe a teacher would do that, but I knew he must have known that I was why he was fired. I picked all my things up again, ignoring the pain in my knee and the small cut on my finger from the wire of my notebook. As I stood he smacked me in the back of the head. I nearly fell again, but caught myself, my balance very good after all the years of Mother doing the same thing to me. I'd always choose standing to take the blows than to fall and get kicked.

I looked at him, not in pain or hate or fear like he wanted, but with a blank stare of numbness. And he stared back, perplexed. His door was closed, and locked, and I don't think we could be seen from outside. He must have realized that, because the next thing I knew, he had punched me in the face. That wasn't a blow I was ready for. Slaps I could take, but Mother didn't punch. And the kids that did weren't nearly that strong. I stumbled back, dropping my books. But I didn't fall. I just stood, surprise fazing my numb look for only an instant.

His fist plowed into my stomach, and I merely exhaled with it, forcing the punch to have little effect. He hit my face again, a ring on his hand scratching my cheek. I stood there, taking the beating. I never flinched, I never made a sound. I didn't even move. I heard the bell ring, but didn't look at the clock. My face was bleeding, and my tongue had been bitten more than once. He grabbed my ear and twisted it, but I didn't show any pain even though I wanted to scream. My left eye began to swell shut, but I didn't pay any attention to it. I felt blood trickling down my neck and to my back from my ear as he continued to smack me. He grabbed my hair and tried to smash my head into a desk. But I didn't move. My body stayed exactly where I told it to. So he grabbed a paper weight.

He lifted it above his head and swung it down, missing my head by an inch, hitting my left shoulder instead. Suddenly, someone knocked on his door. Mr. Mignion grabbed my arm and shoved me, telling me to get to class. I paused only to pick up the notebook that I wrote rough ideas for Underneath in and walked out the door.

The kids in the hall all gasped and stared. I walked past them and down the hall to the stairs. I went down to the office, where the receptionist regarded me the same way. "Can I go home?" I asked quietly. She handed me the phone and I dialed our number. It rang four times, and then the machine picked up.

"Tohma-san? If you're home, answer. Please. I need to come home. Please pick up the phone, Tohma-san," I said, begging him in Japanese. "Tohma? Tohma, onegai! Tohma! TOHMA!!!!" I screamed before pausing, and a few seconds later he grabbed the phone.

"What?!" he shouted.

"Tohma-san, I need to come home."

"Eiri? What happened?"

I paused a moment, and then decided it was best to lie my ass off. "Um… I fell down the stairs."

"The stairs? And you're calling me from school?"

"Yeah."

He sighed. "All right. Do you need me to come down to bring you home?"

"No."

"Fine. I'll be here when you get home."

"Thank you. Bye." We hung up and I signed myself out, the receptionist too shocked to ask what had happened.

When I walked in the door, Tohma was on me in an instant. He looked at every one of my cuts and bruises and asked me a thousand questions, to which I lied one-hundred percent. And then he insisted on taking me to the hospital to be looked at. _That_ was a pleasant trip, let me tell ya.

I was examined about four times, and asked a million times if I _really_ fell down the stairs. I said I did and wouldn't budge my story: I was late, so I was running and I tripped. There were more details, and I did my best to keep those the same. I'm pretty sure I had everyone believing me except Tohma.

My shoulder was bruised badly, and x-rays were taken; just to be sure, even though I insisted it felt fine. The bone was cracked, so my arm ended up in a sling. Tohma took me home, and we were both quiet for a long time. Finally, he asked me what had happened.

"I fell down the stairs," I said, staring at the television.

"Eiri, what happened? I don't like you lying to me."

"I'm not."

"Eiri, please," he begged, turning towards me on the couch. "I just want to know the truth."

"I already told you!" I said, more forcefully, but still without looking at him.

He brushed my cheek gently. "Eiri, who did this?"

"No one!" I shrieked, finally tearing my eyes from the dark screen to look at him. "Why do you care?!"

"Because I have to protect you!" he retorted, just as loudly. "Eiri, your sister put you in my hands, and I promised to take care of you. And so far, I'm not sure I'm living up to her expectations!"

I stared at him a moment. "But… Hers don't matter," I murmured.

"What?" he asked, lowering his voice again.

"M-mine do. And I think you're doing the best job anyone ever could." My voice was shaking slightly, and I stared at my lap. "Tohma-san, you've surpassed _any_ expectations I've ever had for anyone." I pulled my eyes back up to him. "And I… Well, I think I might…_almost_ l-love you for that."

Tohma's eyes were watering as he pulled me to him, and we sat there, holding each other for a long time. I fell asleep there, and woke up in my own bed the next morning. I crept out to the living room, and found Tohma making breakfast. I put my arms around him, and whispered against his back, "Thank you, Tohma."---

* * *

now, i don't want there to be ANY confusion: when eiri said he might love tohma, that is in a brotherly or son-father way. NOT romantically. okay?

oh, and someone, sorry i can't remember who, asked if shuichi will be in here. in the last chapter he does make an appearance, but i'm not sure he's referred to by name... i've got to check.

the next chapter is kind of fast-paced, but there was really nothing i could do to fix that problem. and it took me SIX MONTHS to write the final chapter. that's how bad my w-----'s b---k was.

hope you review, and this should be done before thanksgiving, if i update on the next couple weekends. ttfn, ta-ta-for-now! --chelsea


	21. Chapter 21

oh my gosh! the next to last chapter! oh no! i feel sad, leaving you so soon with this fic... oh, well! i have others!! please enjoy, though i think this is a bit rushed... --chelsea

* * *

Monday I went back to school, still covered in bruises, but the scrapes were gone and the cuts were just scabs. I got some funny looks, but no one asked about it until fourth period. Willow came in and flashed me a smile; then she saw the sling and bruises. 

"Eiri, oh my gosh, what happened?!!" she exclaimed, sitting beside me.

"Nothing," I said. "I just fell down the stairs."

"And that's _nothing_?!"

"Yeah," I answered, shrugging slightly with my good shoulder.

"So what's something? Your head getting busted in?"

"No. That's just nothing _much_."

"Eiri!"

"Something is Tohma-san getting hurt. A dire emergency is my little brother getting hurt. Willow, I'm perfectly fine."

She started to argue further, but Mr. LeFevre started class, forcing the conversation to end, and not another word was said about it.

The second quarter went much more smoothly than the first had. We had a new Math teacher, and she was very nice. My grade was a 100 for that quarter, and when averaged with my 60 I had an 80 for the semester. A high "C".

By Christmas, my sling was off, the bruises gone, and my tooth was finally growing back in. I wrote Mika and Tatsuha, telling them how excited I was to be where I was. Tohma and I sent gifts home, and celebrated quietly together, as is the Japanese custom. We had a chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream.

As my birthday drew nearer, so did exams, which made me a little nervous. I had caught up with History, and was back in Mrs. Ernst's class at the start of the third quarter. I also got back into Mr. Nessler's class, now that I could read along and without speaking out loud; at least most of the time.

For tests I still went into teachers offices, so I wouldn't disturb anyone if I needed to read it aloud, and it helped me to think clearer.

I invited Willow, Dee, and Delilah over for my birthday, and we all enjoyed ourselves, watching movies, eating cake and driving Tohma crazy. I spent a short time, maybe an hour, that morning thinking about my last one, but once the girls got there, I didn't take another moment to dwell over my mother.

We didn't see each other much over the summer, after we finished the school year, with me ending up with a 95 in Math. I was so proud of myself for having hauled it up.

Tohma had gotten me a book for my birthday, by a Yuki Kitazawa, and it had absorbed my entire attention once I'd started it. I had found every book by him I could, leaving Underneath alone for awhile. But sometimes it helps to stop a little; to refuel your juices. Once I went back to it, I ran with it, far and long.

My entire summer was spent either reading Kitazawa's books, or writing my own. That fall I went to a high school, but none of the triplets were there. So I was again without friends. But that year was different. I didn't make friends like I had, as though my social life was telling me something. To stay at home; stick to Tohma. Don't do something stupid in an attempt to meet someone new. And I should have listened.

That school year swept by, finishing with me at the head of the class. Odd, since I was foreign. On the last day of school, Tohma gave me a little money before I left, saying I could stop and pick up a book on my way home. I walked into a book store I hadn't visited often. As I browsed the shelves for what I wanted, I saw a man. He was just standing, reading a book, and so I overlooked him. At last I found the newest book by Yuki Kitazawa, and opened it, smiling broadly. I looked at the picture in the cover, and just glanced up at the guy in front of me.

Then I looked again. It was _him_. And I said so, making myself out to be an absolute retard. He laughed, and confirmed my semi-incoherent thoughts. I heard myself blurting out how much I loved his work and how I wanted to be an author too. I started telling him about Underneath, and he asked me to meet him at a park nearby in a day or so to show him it, promising to help me edit and proofread. I couldn't believe my luck. That day was a pivotal one in my life; one of the days that determined that I would walk the ragged path I do.---

* * *

okay, i know that that...year and three-fourths went by in two paragraphs, but i was having major w-----'s b----. the last chapter took six months. and this whole 'kitazawa' arc is VERY rushed, i'm sorry.

mrs. earnst subbed for my spanish teacher today, and i hadn't seen her in three years! not since eighth grade. it was cool to see her again. i hope you review and liked it. the last chapter will be up next week, and that will be the end! so sad... ja ne! --chelsea


	22. Chapter 22

here it is. the final chapter. i hope it's not too awful. i know it's really short, but please don't be mad at me. i could hardly get through the chapter as it is! i hope it at least brings a sense of completion to you. it does tie directly into the manga at the end, hopefully you'll recognize it. well, until the next time, enjoy! --chelsea

* * *

I told Tohma I was going to the park every day, which wasn't a lie, I did go to the park. Sometimes Yuki and I would stay there, and others we would go to eat while discussing my book. I loved my time alone with Yuki, and we were just so relaxed together. I admired Yuki and wanted to be just like him, no matter what.

One morning, as I left the house, Tohma stopped me. "Eiri, I want to talk to you," he said. I sighed.

"What? I need to go."

"Eiri, who have you been seeing?"

"What?! No one, Tohma-san, honest!" I lied in alarm.

"Eiri, if you're taking off to visit a girl, that's alright, I just want to know."

"Tohma-san, I'm not seeing a girl, or anyone for that matter. Can I just go?"

"If you're not seeing anyone, then what's the rush?" He stared at me, my hand on the doorknob. I sighed, walking back to him.

"What is it, Tohma-san? Can't a boy just want to go out and have some fun at the park?"

"Yes, but I would like to know who you're having fun _with_. Please, Eiri?"

"Fine. I met him after school on the last day. He speaks Japanese, and he's _really_ cool."

"How cool?" he asked suspiciously.

"Like okay-cool." Tohma continued to look at me. "He's really into Underneath. He's been helping me fix things here and there. Oh, please Tohma-san, don't make me stop visiting him!! Please!"

Tohma sighed, lowering his head. "Well, I suppose it's alright."

"Thank you!!" I cried, hugging him and running back to the door.

"I just wish you wouldn't lie about where you're going." I stopped again.

"I _do_ go to the park!"

"I went to find you about a week ago, and you weren't there."

"I can't get a bite to eat?"

"Alright. Go. Just… Be careful, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later, Tohma-san!" I ran out the door before he could say anymore, and raced for the park, not understanding why he was so worried. I knew there was a lot of crime and stuff, I had seen quite a bit first hand, like kids plucked from the park or sidewalk, and no one saying or doing anything about it, but I couldn't fathom it seriously happening to me.

I sped to the park, and saw Yuki sitting under a tree, waiting. I smiled and laughed, calling his name. I reached him and apologized breathlessly for being late. He smiled at me and said it was alright. I started to sit beside him, but he was standing up.

"Let's go to my apartment," he said. I blinked, then nodded excitedly, wanting to see where he lived. He led the way, and let us into an apartment. I was surprised by the room, but said nothing.

There was no furniture except a single table with a half empty bottle of wine on it and a small chair beside it. I looked at the bare walls and peeling wallpaper. The windows were boarded shut, probably broken, and the floor's carpet was patched and thin. There were stains on the parts of carpet and the wood flooring that showed through in most places.

I wondered what the stains were and why the apartment was so empty, but I didn't ask. Yuki sat on the floor and opened the bottle, taking a deep drink. He held it out to me, but I shook my head no. He shrugged and took another drink. I watched his jugular bob with each swallow. His sandy eyes were closed, but I could still picture them behind their creamy lids.

Yuki took the bottle from his mouth, and a thin line of the dark liquid ran down his chin, adding another stain to the floor. Looking closely, I saw that some of the other stains were close to that color. I thought they must have been old wine stains, although Yuki wasn't that big a drinker. For a moment I thought it might be blood, but I shook that from my mind immediately. Why would there be blood stains?

I sat down and, when Yuki held the bottle out to me again, took a drink. It was bitter, and it took all my control not to spit it out. "Ew!" I gasped after swallowing.

"Oh, you just need to get used to it," Yuki said.

"Get used to it?!" I exclaimed. "I never want to put that stuff in my mouth again!"

"Just another little sip?"

"No!" Yuki shrugged.

"Okay. Your loss." He took another drink, and the bottle was almost gone now. "Last chance," he murmured, trying to hand it to me. I shook my head.

"I don't wanna." Yuki finished it off and sat the bottle beside him. A few minutes later the booze began to show it's affect on him. He draped an arm over my shoulders and I looked at him apprehensively. "Yuki?" I asked. "What are you doing?"

"Eiri, have you ever…slept somebody before…?" he slurred. I looked at him confusedly.

"Slept somebody? What do you mean?" I asked.

"Sorry, my fault," he answered. "Did you ever sleep _with_ somebody before?" My eyes widened.

"No," I said in a small voice. "Why?"

"Never fucked some girl up?"

"Uh-uh."

"No one's ever screwed you?"

"No, Yuki," I said. "Why?"

"Do ya wanna?"

"What the hell are you getting at?!" I demanded, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with each word that slipped past his lips.

"You don't know how bad I want to get in your pants right now," he said calmly, as though this were a perfectly normal conversation.

"What?!" I shouted, moving away.

"Oh, come on Eiri," he said. "You know you want it." I shook my head slowly from the other side of the table. Yuki stood, knocking over the empty bottle. I scrambled to my feet, looking to the exit, but Yuki stood in my way. He pinned me against the wall. "You want me bad, don't you?" he whispered against my neck. I tried to lean further back. He kissed me roughly, and suddenly all fight, all resistance, left my body.

I liked the feel of his lips on mine, of his hand on my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed. He lifted his head. "I knew you wanted it," he said, unzipping my pants. My eyes snapped open.

"Y-Yuki-san…" I muttered.

"Shh…" he whispered, putting his fingers to my lips. "It's just us. I promise to be gentle." I blinked widely, and was about to unbutton my pants, when the door opened. I looked up, startled.

"Fuck," Yuki spat. "You guys are early."

"Hey, Yuki," one of the men in the doorway said, "is this it?"

"Yeah. He's a cute one, isn't he?" Yuki answered.

"He's alright," the second guy in the door said. The first held out a ten dollar bill to Yuki.

"Here. Lemme go first," he said.

"Be my guest," Yuki said, taking the money. I looked at Yuki, distressed, and then at the man approaching me. I saw a gun in his waistband, and my eyes shot open.

"Be good," the man growled, "and this'll feel nice fer both of us." I looked back at Yuki.

"Yuki…" I whispered. He didn't look at me, he was busy inspecting the money. The man came at me, undoing his pants as he walked. He grabbed my arm roughly, and as he forced me to reach forward to touch his privates, I squeezed my eyes shut.

The next thing I remember is Tohma holding me, feeling the gun drop from my hands, and seeing the three corpses lying in growing pools of blood. I threw my arms around Tohma, suddenly aware that my pants are around my knees and began to sob.

I try to blink away the tears. I look at Shuichi and rub my eyes. I can't understand a word he's saying over the pounding of my head, and I snap at him to shut up. He yells, which makes it worse, and I cover my head with my arms, trying to bury myself in the couch. He holds me comfortingly, and I just growl and grumble at him, glad that I can't remember what actually happened, but frustrated, thinking that knowing would help it to go away.

Eventually I force myself to go to bed and Shuichi sleeps on the couch. In my large bed, I cry myself to sleep.

_---fin---_

* * *

OH! MY!! GOD!!! Poor Eiri-kun! This made me feel _so_ bad (kinda)! It took me for_ever_ to write though!! I mean, just this last chapter took me _six months_. SIX MONTHS!! That's ridiculous!! But, it got written, so the world is at peace. (except Eiri, who's in pain) Please review!!! I love you all!!!!

i'm sorry if it's way too rushed, and a little messed up, but this is what i wrote. i hope you liked it, and i encourage you to review PRETTY _PRETTY_ PLEASE?!!?? to tell me if you did.

i'll see (most of) you again soon in my next story! until then, i love ya'll!!! --chelsea


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